How To Give Yourself Closure

Closure is something we often hear about following the demise of a relationship. Typically, we imagine one final conversation between ourselves and our ex significant other where you discuss what went wrong and what you both could have done differently. Maybe if the conversation goes especially well, you agree to stay in touch. You may even hope that this final conversation may ultimately lead to a reconciliation. The reality is that closure is an ideal, and while it may be desired, it is not always likely or even possible.

My last breakup was about two years ago. It was ugly and in many ways inevitable, yet it was still painful. I fully intended for my last conversation with my ex to be our last, but instead of having the opportunity to express my thoughts and feelings and having him do the same, it ended abruptly with him cursing me out, calling me out of my name, and hanging up the phone, which only added to my hurt. I did not call back or send a text. I let him and the relationship go. Sometimes I find myself wishing for closure, then I remind myself that he lacks the accountability, self-awareness, honesty, and overall communication skills necessary to have an effective discussion about our relationship.

My only choice is to give the closure I need to myself. How did I do that? I unpacked my mistakes in the relationship and took the necessary time to sit with the emotions that came. I owned my role, and most importantly, I forgave myself and I continue to forgive myself as needed. Closure doesn’t require both partners, it only requires one who is willing to take an honest look at the relationship’s good, bad, and all of its ugly, take responsibility, and move forward with the lessons learned. To wait on an emotionally unavailable partner to provide closure only continues to give him or her power, so I encourage you to take your power back. Give yourself what you need, remember your worth, and turn the page to a new chapter.