So, you’re on a date. Things seem to be going well at first. The conversation flows well, you have a lot in common, and there’s mutual attraction. But then something happens that gives you pause. Maybe they barely tip the waitstaff 10%, or maybe they kept bringing up their ex. You’ve found a red flag. Now what? When faced with a red flag, you might freeze. Do you run, or do you wait to see if the red flag is legit? Should you say something? Luckily, a relationship coach on TikTok has outlined exactly what you should do when you notice a red flag on a date.
Tara (@tara.relationshipcoach) has been imparting some serious relationship wisdom, and she has advice on how to handle a red flag on a date. Check out her TikTok above. If you’re in the middle of a date and the person you’re with starts waving a big red flag, it can be jarring. Here’s how she says you should handle it:
1. Take a step back.
Your first instinct might be to ignore what you’re seeing. To “go with the flow.” Don’t. Your subconscious is telling you something.
Watch what they’re doing. Really take in this behavior. Don’t miss a thing. You’ll dodge misunderstandings if you’re fully aware of the red flag vibes.
3. Ask questions.
Don’t just assume the motives of your date. Ask questions to gauge whether this is the red flag you think it is. If he’s a poor tipper, ask him why he only tipped a few bucks on a pricy bill. You’ll get a better idea of his rationale.
4. Do a gut check.
Now that you’ve taken the time to observe and ask questions, it’s time to figure out how you feel. Don’t just use analytical reasoning for this, though. Sometimes our gut instincts have a much better idea of what’s really going on.
5. Observe some more.
Still not sure? No need to bail mid-date, then. Keep observing. Often if one red flag pops up so soon, another is sure to follow.
6. Decide if this red flag is a deal breaker.
A red flag doesn’t automatically mean that you should stop seeing this person. It’s just a little sign that they may not be compatible with you. Then again, this red flag might be a deal breaker. Tara says in her comments, “Deal breakers mean you leave the relationship. If you realize something is a deal breaker, you HAVE to leave the relationship, otherwise you will start compromising your morals, values, beliefs, goals, etc.” If this red flag is more of a deal breaker for you, it’s best to cut your losses now.