Some of the greatest love stories of all time entail unconventional ways to fall in love. Between “Romeo and Juliet” and everyone on “Think Like a Man”, the characters were fearless in the way they pursued love. I and others like me may not be in the history books, but I haven’t felt love so great that I feel invincible. Modern dating is the pits and has scared almost everyone out of experiencing that toe-curling, stomach-tightening feeling that comes with fearless love.
Authentic, wholesome love is hard work—I get it. I also believe that fearless love is a tool we all need to make those wholesome relationships worth staying in. Love and fear can never coexist, that much I know. Some of the best relationships I have seen evolve and strengthen over time have one thing in common: Loving your person fearlessly. Here’s how I think they did it.
Don’t Play Coy
You can’t expect to be happy when you settle for less than what you’re worth. Knowing this, I choose to be upfront with my SO about what I want and what I am willing to offer in a relationship. I have a no-nonsense approach to putting myself out there, and that’s kept the trash in the dating pool at bay. One kind of person opportunists seek out someone with no boundaries or standards, and they won’t hesitate to hurt such people to get what they want either. No one wants to be hurt, so don’t be a pussy—say what you mean and mean what you say. For this point, clear and firm communication is your ammo, and if you cannot utilize it the relationship is doomed.
Romantically entertaining one or more people at a time is not only exhausting (you can only go on so many dates until things get monotonous), but it can sway you from finding what you need. There should be no rush to commit when you aren’t either clued up on what you want or you haven’t found it, so why not take your time to get to know one person at a time until you’ve found the one you think is the closest to being perfect? Life is long and you have all the time in the world to fall in love. There is nothing better than experiencing the full extent of that process, so don’t rush it. If you’re the type to keep your options open, perhaps being in a committed relationship is not for you just yet. The whole idea behind being focused is not only being aware of what you need (and avoiding what you want) but finding that in one person.
Beware Of Cheap Imitations
Loving fearlessly can be risky because you can put your heart out on the line for someone to take care of—but there are chances that they won’t. The unfortunate part about relationships is that you cannot control how people feel about you, but you can control how they treat you. It’s in the little things that you’ll notice whether a person is in fact with you. For example, how scintillating are your conversations? Are you always initiating them or do they? Or worse, are you always the one carrying the conversation to the point where it feels forced? Does your potential partner check in on you to find out how your day went, and do they actually listen when you speak? Keep in mind that they could give you the best sex of your life or be good with words in times when you’re feeling low, but what are all those when you’re still plagued by the uncertainty of their sincerity most of the time? If they can’t make time for you unless it’s convenient for them or put in any meaningful effort to show commitment to the connection, be wise enough to walk away. Guard your heart and protect your peace—stay woke.
Guard Your Heart
Not everyone who tells you that they like you has your best interests at heart. Be protective of your emotions at all times. Never apologize for having good intentions, and don’t overextend efforts for someone who struggles with the bare minimum. Even when you’re knee-deep in love with your SO, you should still be cautious. Your heart is what got you to the point of loving them, therefore it should be what will help you stay in love. There is no great love story that is narrated without mentioning some sort of conflict but you should note that as much as it is important to be considerate of your partner’s feelings, you need to protect your own. A love worth fighting for is one worth keeping but make sure that your heart is in a safe place first before you head out to the battlefield.
Get Closer To The Edge, Close Your Eyes, And Jump!
Falling in love is never a planned thing. It may feel awkward being in love with someone, so expressing yourself emotionally may feel scary at times. The idea of vulnerability isn’t cute, but when practiced sincerely, it can be the most beautiful thing to happen to share between you and yours. After doing things the right way together and being good to each other, nothing should stop you from emotional intimacy. Perhaps they’re waiting on you to make the first move, so why not? Love is never lopsided if it is reciprocated. Never be afraid to go above and beyond for your person, no matter how silly you think you’ll look because they probably need that as validation of your feelings towards them. In the end, you’ll just be two happy people being corny and cute together. If that’s not your goal, then I’ve been writing all this for someone else.
I’m no expert at this, but I have been through enough failed talking stages to know what love definitely is not. Even though I’ve been hurt many times in the past, I still choose to pursue love with all I’ve got, and I trust that you’ll do the same for yourself because there is little that is more fulfilling than seeing love cover your partner’s face when they feel truly loved by you. Remember that you were born in love to love and be loved. Leave all your fear at the door and love fearlessly.