How To Survive Your Family This Holiday Season

The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but let’s be real: it can also be a time of stress, arguments, and family drama. If you’re dreading spending time with your loved ones, here are some tips on how to get through the holidays without killing a family member (or at least without getting caught):

1. Hide the sharp objects.

Before the holidays arrive, take a quick inventory of any potentially lethal objects in your home (e.g. knives, scissors, fireplace pokers, etc.). Put them away in a safe place, or better yet, hide them under the bed where no one will find them. My personal recommendation: get them out of the house entirely. Call a trusted friend who will take them off your hands and will not give them back to you until all family members have left, no matter how much you scream and beg. (We should all have a friend like that.)

2. Stock up on wine.

Let’s face it: alcohol can be a powerful coping mechanism during the holidays. Keep a well-stocked bar, and don’t be afraid to indulge in a little liquid courage when tensions start to rise. I’d recommend something low in sugar. If you have tried to have a conversation with a three-year-old after a bag of candy, imagine you after a bag of candy and liquid courage. Just remember some things can’t be unsaid… oh, and drink responsibly (and don’t drive after drinking or tell Aunt Karen off for gossiping).

3. Have a secret escape plan.

If things start to get really out of hand, have a plan in place to make a quick escape. This might include a pre-arranged signal with a friend, a fake emergency phone call, or even just a coat and hat hung by the door for a quick getaway. If there is one thing every father has taught us is even when their car keys are in front of them, they still can’t see them. Hide in plain sight and then make a dash for the doggy door when the coast is clear.

4. Be prepared for awkward moments.

The holidays are full of potential awkward moments, whether it’s dealing with difficult relatives, uncomfortable conversations, or unwanted advances from Uncle Bob. Be prepared with some witty comebacks, polite excuses, or just a well-timed eye roll to get you through these situations. Have the emotional bombs up your sleeve, but don’t use them. They are there just for your own confidence.

5. Remember the true meaning of the season.

The holidays are about more than just presents, parties, and family drama. Take some time to reflect on the true meaning of the season, whether that’s spending time with loved ones, giving back to others, or just taking a moment to appreciate all that you have. Even if all you have is the moment of peace when everyone goes home. You survived, now call your therapist and book in a session asap so you can start preparing for next year.

Happy holidays!