How You Annoy Others, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

DISCLAIMER: This article is meant to be funny and is not to be taken seriously. I have gone completely overboard with gross and exaggerated overgeneralizations of each zodiac sign’s generally accepted traits to mischaracterize and defame them in the way that a truly annoying person would do.

If this article annoys you, GOOD. Now you know how it feels.

But please don’t take this personally, it’s a joke. And no, I won’t tell you my sign. I’ll let you guess (or just look at my profile, lol).

Aries

OMG, what a pompous, self-absorbed, smug, conceited, overbearing, vain, stuck-up egomaniac you are! You are also one quick-tempered, cranky, short-fused, tantrum-throwing baby-posing-as-an-adult who thinks the universe revolves around you and that people hang on your every word. You think others only get annoyed with you because they’re so jealous at the fact that you’re so great. In the real world, the fact that you think you’re so great is the main reason you annoy others.

Taurus

The most annoying thing about you is the fact that when someone says—even politely—that you’re irritating them, you’ll double down on that behavior just to annoy them further. This is the unfortunate result of your legendary stubbornness, your bullheaded refusal to compromise or meet someone halfway. This can be a virtue if you’re right, but the problem is that half of the time you’re wrong and only wind up looking like more of a schmuck when you refuse to admit it. Also, the fact that you are ruled by Venus, the planet of luxury, makes you a greedy, self-indulgent narcissist who covets thy neighbor’s everything.

Gemini

Geez, why would anyone be irritated by someone who is such a wishy-washy, weak-kneed, indecisive fence-sitter that they are symbolized by the Twins? You run hot and cold, up and down, left and right, over and under, and yet you still wonder why you give everyone a headache. You are also an insecure little wilting orchid who is prone to taking even the most innocent comments the wrong way, so I can’t even imagine how you’re going to flip out over what I’m saying here.

Cancer

I have no idea why you are represented by the hard-shelled Crab, because you are such a touchy, excitable drama queen, a better symbol would be the Jellyfish. You are codependent in relationships and so needy that no matter how gorgeous, sexy, and giving you are, you compel others to flee overnight to a foreign country while you’re sleeping. To describe you as “negative” puts a negative spin on the word “negative.” You are also a fearful, fidgety, jittery, nervous person who is so uptight, I screamed out loud while typing this.

Leo

You are the greatest living being ever to grace the universe—or at least that’s what you tell everyone. You are a self-centered control freak who is rude to service workers, insulting to members of the clergy, bossy to your bosses, ill-mannered to the good-natured, coarse to the gracious, and smug to the insecure. You are so attention-starved that if you could find a way to photobomb every picture ever posted to Instagram, you’d do it.

Virgo

I hate to sound judgmental here, but holy hell, are you judgmental! You’re always scrutinizing others, always finding fault, always expressing your disapproval, always tsk-tsking and tut-tutting, always a quibbling fusspot who picks nits all the livelong day until the last nit is gone and there’s nothing left to be picked. And the most annoying thing about all this is that you make a point of looking down on others as way of deflecting attention from the fact that your biggest fear is having others look down on you.

Libra

Although you are symbolized by the Scales and have an undeserved reputation as a fair, balanced person who seeks harmony, this is only because you have no opinions of your own. You are as shallow as a one-inch puddle of water rapidly evaporating under the harsh summer sun. You judge others based on their looks, their wealth, their popularity, and what they can do for you. You are hollow, superficial, and conflict-avoidant. If there had ever been anything of substance to you, it was blown away long ago by a sudden gust of wind.

Scorpio

It’s not that you’ve been documented as the sign most likely to be a psychopathic serial killer, because I just made that up to sound dramatic. But for all your alleged “darkness” and “sexiness,” the truth is that you’re so intense, it often becomes unbearable. You are possessive to the point where if you find a free spirit fluttering around in your space, you will pin that butterfly to a board. You are also a deceitful, untrustworthy, backstabbing snake. You are a vindictive and spiteful soul who will hold a grudge well into the afterlife. And those are the good things about you.

Sagittarius

You speak exactly what’s on your mind with no filter and without mincing words. While you may frame this as merely being “honest” and “telling it like it is,” the painful truth is that others find you to be boorish and insulting. If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Jerkosaurus Rex. Not only that, but you are often flaky, eccentric, nutty, unconventional, and even a little screwy. You are also noncommittal in the sense that you change your mind more often than you change your undergarments.

Capricorn

Everyone knows that you are the most efficient, productive, organized, goal-oriented sign ever to befoul the zodiac wheel. If workaholism was like alcoholism, you’d be the most destitute drunk on Skid Row. But what’s annoying to others is that you remind them of their own laziness, their willingness to slack and skimp and cut corners and avoid being as responsible as you are. Everything I’ve said about you here should be taken as a compliment. Others should emulate you, but they get annoyed because you remind them of their flaws.

Aquarius

The adjective that keeps popping up whenever an astrologer tries to describe you is “aloof,” and although this may only be the result of the fact that you are shy, introverted, and often lost in your own thoughts, to others it makes you seem like a distant, haughty, standoffish know-it-all who neither has the time nor interest to engage with others. While the truth may be that you simply stand out from the crowd as an odd, offbeat, quirky, and unconventional creative thinker, this chafes the loins of conformists, lemmings, sheep, and the world’s sundry invertebrate robot clones.

Pisces

Whereas you see yourself as “deep” and “intuitive” and “empathic,” that’s just a nice way of reassuring yourself that you’re not really the spaced-out oddball that others say you are when you’re not around. And the reason they won’t tell it to your face is that you are so thin-skinned, everyone can see your internal organs. You are so delicate and touchy that you break out in a skin rash at the slightest hint of disapproval. People feel as if they need to bite their tongues when they’re around you, but if they could get away with it, they’d rather bite you.