I Don’t Know Why You Had To Go, But I Hope You Find What You’re Looking For

Oh, my love.

Life seems so much quieter without you. Without the laughter and chaos of the boys running around. The sound that filled my heart with joy and love.

I know things weren’t always rainbows and butterflies. But it was life, and it was ours. I will miss looking over at your smile. Hearing your laughter. We had a whirlwind attraction and love, sparks that never faded, but a relationship that ended much too soon.

In my lifetime, I have come across plenty of people, many of which my heart knew were not right for me and many of which the universe decided weren’t right for me. With you, even though we had our differences, both of us were scared of what we had seen and found in each other. It was you who I never doubted having a lasting future with. It all happened naturally so fast, and none of it felt wrong—until the universe had its own ways of telling us to take our time and slow down.

I know at times you had questions, but my love, there was nothing you should have ever questioned about how I felt for you. For the boys, for what we had. Out of anything we ever experienced together, it was our time and getting to know one another that meant the absolute most to me. The words you told me of “somehow feeling like we were a part of one another” couldn’t have ever been more true.

That right there in itself takes people lifetimes to find. I feel lucky enough that we even had that. Not everything is meant to be named, and not everything can be spoken. Sometimes, the unspoken feelings speak the most.

I fault myself for being myself at times. Delicate, sensitive, a little over-caring and over-loving. For wanting more consistent time together. To slow down the fast-paced life that had gotten us where we ultimately were. To just be able to talk and learn about one another. Like that night, sitting on the carpet on your birthday, learning memories and life stories that made you who you are. The little things that I cherished, that meant the most.

Dating after what we had already lived and been through was never going to be easy. We knew it. I wish we could have had more time to figure those things out. More time for the basics. I didn’t know how else to be, how else to show, other than being myself—my feelings and how I felt about everything we had. And with everything we had, I felt so lucky. I felt we were lucky.

I may never fully understand your decision to let go, but I respect and love you enough to hope you find whatever it is you are in search for. I’m not sure about you, but aside from your lover, I was first and foremost your friend. I wanted and still want nothing more than to see your happiness and success—even if together that was not it for you.

My heart will always carry the most beautiful love I felt for you and two little boys that loved and had as much fun as naturally and effortlessly as we did.