I Miss The Days When Ghosting Wasn’t Normal

I was not born in this modern dating world where ghosting is considered part of the new normal.

I come from a place and time when people who fell out of love simply called it quits.

Back in the days when loving somebody was as easy as breathing and unloving someone was as tough as letting go of a balloon that took you an hour to inflate, life was less complicated. Lovers were decent enough to bid you goodbye, just like the stage performers’ final wave to the audience as the curtain falls.

This world of ghosting is unknown to me.

I got completely lost.

My brain is not wired to think that ghosting is normal. I’m not a millennial. I was born in the ‘80s, when life was simple. You dated someone you liked and decided whether it is time to tie the knot or not. I guarantee that you would know where you stood or at least be aware of how you both felt about the relationship. You knew when someone was madly in love or if the guy was just stringing you along. You could tell whether he was for keeps. Your senses could send a signal to your brain when the relationship was going nowhere. If that was the case, there would be no room for ghosting because you could initiate the need to end it somehow.

I consider true love a mutual agreement between two people who are in love, so the decision to throw away that thing called “us” is a no brainer. But I still feel the need to communicate my decision for it to be justifiable and acceptable. That’s how things should end. Not in the dark alley, alone with your thoughts, stuck and clueless as to what was going on. You can imagine how anxiety kicks in when you are unable to pinpoint the exact reason why he went MIA.

Gone are the days when people care to say how they truly feel about the relationship. When things are on the rocks, why can’t they let the words slip out instead of leaving you wondering why stars are misaligned or fate is working to redirect the course of lovers who are not meant to be?

Just when you thought of him as someone near, he leaves you without a warning while everything seems to be going well. You’re on Cloud 9, and in a blink of an eye, he’s gone! You remain clueless as to why his texts come to a screeching halt, and the worst part was you did not see it coming. 

I woke up one day realizing that it was a one sided love. I was crying over a guy who never loved me at all. 

If he did, I would have prepared myself for the closure I deserve.

If he did, I wouldn’t have so many unspoken words left to say.

If he did, moving on should have been easy.

If he did, I would have saved myself from all these regrets.

The one who ghosted me never loved me because the one who truly loved me would have found a way to stay no matter what. You just cannot find love where it doesn’t exist.

I can’t seem to find a way to get over this feeling of abandonment. I can only recall a time someone left my world unnoticed. I blame myself partly for letting him into my space bubble. I failed to guard my heart. He invaded my space, and the next thing I knew, he treated me as if I didn’t exist. 

How many hours have I spent staring at my phone, waiting for a notification to pop up showing the name of the person I once cared for?

Countless times.

I think I acquired 25% of my masochism from watching K-dramas on Netflix. The iconic idea that love is unconditional and it knows no boundaries. I think that people in general are kind and capable of loving, so I can justify their ghosting. I try to understand where they are coming from until the day no one pays attention to where I’m coming from.

I am slowly accepting the fact that ghosting is never okay and dismiss the “everything happens for a reason” cliche. 

Whether he loved you enough or never loved you at all, it is unacceptable to ghost people, especially if you’re 100% breathing, alive, and kicking.

I realized that no matter how long it has been, we all deserve the same courtesy that we give our employers, authorities we respect, and people we have high regards for even in this modern dating world.

If you have not been ghosted until this day, you are too lucky to be an exception because it must have been true love working in your favor.

Ghosts may have adored me on their own terms, but it wasn’t love. I just thought it was. I chose to believe in the goodness of others and that everyone is capable of loving another soul. But it wasn’t the kind of love I’ve known it to be. Not in this world, not in this lifetime. 

I don’t wait for ghosts to come back, but the memories of narcissistic ghosts still haunt us. Ghosting empowers others to push predictable emotional buttons. How I wish I could tell my 32-year-old self to detach herself from flirting ghosts and guard her heart closely.

I wish we could relive a place and time where breakup letters are still trendy, healing takes time, folks believe in karma, and ghosting is out of sight.

I am not trying to paint a world of darkness, but I’m talking about a new world of ghosting where people deliberately make mistakes yet refuse to be held accountable. 

It was clearly unspoken, unwritten in the sky, ghosting is now considered part of the new normal.