I Wish I Could Tell You I’m Thinking Of You
I wish I could tell you that it is because it is “that time of year”
That memories of you trickle in and I feel you near
That it happens more than ever in November and December
But it is not. Thinking of you is always something tender
I try to talk about you as much as I can
When I meet new people I always accept “they will never know this man”
I keep an album of you on my phone
When I look through it, I am supposed to feel less alone
You know that feeling when your body is overcome with emotion
It’s a powerful mix of love, sadness, happiness and pain—it is a potent potion
This happens to me when I think of you
Its uncontrollable, but I force myself to feel it entirely through
I get impatient because I want there to come a day
Where I can remember you and it will not accompany as much pain
But I don’t want this at the same time
If there isn’t as much pain, it means I am letting you go
And that is not an option, I cannot survive without you close
I wear your ring around my neck
Your furniture in my room, your painting above my bed
I search for you in the sky as a white tailed hawk
And when you appear, I temporarily leave my current spot
It is not every day that you meet up with me
So when you visit I always join you momentarily
I wish I could tell whoever I am with at that time
“Excuse me a moment, my Papa has arrived”
But it is better that it is just you and me
It feels extra special, like a secret. Forever we are thick as thieves