If You Want To Know If They’re Your Soulmate, Ask Yourself These 2 Questions

I once had a conversation with Anna Yusim, MD, a Stanford- and Yale-educated Psychiatrist and the best-selling author of Fulfilled: How the Science of Spirituality Can Help You Live a Happier, More Meaningful Life. Among my many questions for her was: “How can I know the person I’m with is my soulmate?” 

In her book, Dr. Yusim mentions that it took her two decades filled with disappointments and trials before she found her soulmate, her better half, the one who makes her whole. And when she finally did, her path made sense and now she was happier than ever.

I wondered how she knew he was the right person for her. More importantly to me, how can I know I am with the right person? 

My experience showed me that when passion and excitement pass, preserving relationships is no easy task. Life’s hardships mercilessly test our commitments, and more often than not, we turn bitter and resentful. We end up with shattered dreams and buried hopes, and the relationships that seemed so promising and inspiring fall apart, and we fall apart with them. Does it happen because we are broken souls who can’t confide in others? Or does it happen because we confide in the wrong people who can’t accept our souls? I believe it is the latter. 

When I spoke with Dr. Yusim, I had reached the point in my life where I could no longer waste my time and effort on relationships that would only leave me more heartbroken and cynical and a few years older. 

With her personal and professional insights, Dr. Yusim suggested I ask myself two questions:

1. Do you like how this person brings light into the world? 

Specifically: do you share his/her values? Do you like what this person stands for?

2. Can you be your best with this person? 

In other words, does this person help you become the best version of yourself? Does he/she support your aspirations?

These two questions can help us gain a vital insight into our relationship, its strength and value. The answers will reveal whether the relationship we’re in will work and if it’ll make us better people even if it doesn’t end in “happily ever after.” For me, they certainly did that. Answering those questions was painfully sobering but essential.

There’s no guarantee that we’ll find our soulmate this year or even in 10 years. But if we ask the right questions and keep an open mind, we’ll surround ourselves with decent people who support us. And that will undoubtedly make our lives brighter and happier. 

Best of luck in your search!