If You’re Wondering If You Should Break Up…

That feeling is tugging at your chest. The one that’s telling you that something is wrong. Your gut instincts are speaking up, and you’re afraid of what they might be saying. Yet here you are, wondering “should we break up?” Good question. Most relationships hit this point, and I’m happy to say the answer is a lot easier to come up with than you think. (That doesn’t mean it gets any easier once you make your decision, though.) So here are some questions to ask to help you decide if you should break up.

Is this a new feeling?

The length of this feeling is important to dissect. If you were happy for years then suddenly have the vibe to just walk out on the relationship, you might want to hold back a second. Sit with this feeling for a while to see if it isn’t going to pass–but don’t wait long! Don’t waste time in a doomed relationship. Longer than a month and this might be a permanent feeling. If so, you should break up.

Is there a pattern of behavior?

Your partner does something you don’t like, they apologize, then sure enough they do it again. At some point, you have to admit to yourself that they’ll never change. And maybe you’ve finally realized the truth, which is why you’re wondering if you should break up. People don’t change unless they want to change, independent of however you feel. And clearly they don’t want to change, so you should break up.

Am I faced with a deal breaker?

Sometimes, the feeling of impending doom is a clue that you’re ignoring a deal breaker. Maybe your partner has changed their mind about having kids, and you know you’re no longer on the same page. It’s time to end things, but you’re holding on because you’re still in love. Look out for yourself, your wants, and your needs. If this is a deal breaker, you should break up.

Is the problem coming from somewhere else?

Maybe the problem isn’t the relationship itself. Maybe you’re falling for someone at work. Or you have to move away for your job. Or your mental health has taken a hit and you’re lashing out. It can be easy to stay in situations like these because you know the problem isn’t with your partner. But those problems still exist. Even outside influences can mean the end of a relationship. Sometimes, something on the outside is a perfectly reasonable clue to end things, so you should break up.

Do I still feel this way?

Even after a hard look at yourself, your life, your relationship, you still wonder if you should break up. Honestly, you don’t need a reason. The idea that there has to be some big, glaring issue in order to warrant the end of a relationship is false. The act of thinking about breaking up is reason enough to do it–especially if you’ve been sitting with this for a while. You may have seen a trend with this article. Everything ends with breaking up, and that’s because…

If you’re wondering if you should break up…you should break up.