Missing You Today (And Every Day)

Today is a special day because my mom passed away 5 years ago. It’s still a sad day, but I think it’s important to celebrate how much I have grown with my grief and in spite of my feelings of guilt for not being a better daughter. I love you, Mom, and I know you are always with me, in moments light and dark, eternally cheering me on. 

Missing you today
And every day
Some days, it doesn’t hurt
So much
And some days, you just need
Your mother’s touch 

I’d gladly hold your hand
To cross the street
I’m sorry I didn’t want to
When I was sixteen 

Lost in my own world
Of teenage angst
The things I said were not myself
They were just a cry for help
From the anger that was consuming me
I felt like I was drowning in the sea
I couldn’t escape
I’m so sorry if I made you think
My heart was full of hate 

Sometimes we fought so much
I wished the ocean could separate us
For a day or two
I’m sorry if that hurt you
It hurt me, too

I’m sorry I didn’t stay
Left you for a university far away
But I don’t regret driving home
Every night you felt alone

I know it made you feel better
To sleep in my childhood bed
Your arm around my body
Your chin above my head

I wish I could have one more hug
Just one more laugh
One more bedtime story
Another Christmas
Another birthday
Another Valentines Day 

What I wouldn’t give
To live in childhood again
But it’ll have to be all in my head
We can’t reverse a death
I’m sorry, I just miss you so much
I just miss being so loved