Read This When You’re Struggling With Intrusive Thoughts

Ever get a thought that is so weird, random, and scary that you feel like taking a physical step back? Well, if you have, then join the Club of Intrusive Thoughts that are had by everyone on this earth at least once in our lifetime, most likely more.

These thoughts can vary in content and degree of freak out; most of the time they will align with one’s limiting beliefs and be a part of one’s fixed mindset.

My most recent intrusive thoughts occurred on a beautiful golf course in Oregon named Bandon Dunes. I was playing my third round of golf in two days with barely any intentional practice beforehand. Thus, my golf game wasn’t top-notch, but I have a tendency to play my best when I practice less because I forget my bad habits and my body remembers what works. However, this time on the golf course, I wasn’t experiencing a physical barrier but rather the infamous mental block that can wreak havoc on your ability to hit the ball and control your emotions. I hit a “bad miss”, instantly felt frustrated and disappointed in my performance. This frustration led to hitting more bad shots, higher scores, growling in between shots, crying my eyes out for the next five holes, and feeling like a horrible friend/playing partner.

The thought that kept coming through: “Wow, that was horrible! Why are you even here? You don’t deserve to be here. On this course or earth. You are making this round worse for all those around you.” Yeah, it was a scary one. 

My fellow friend/playing partner summarized it perfectly: my brain was testing me as an attempt to reset my body and mind to sync together again. My body and mind were out-of-sync because my body was tired from lack of sleep and energetically drained from the social intensity of the trip. It was my inner critic talking and being rude to me because I was uncertain and taking every thought as truth. When those aspects of yourself are out-of-sync, they find a way to reset so your body and mind can feel connected–to bring you back to your baseline and create equilibrium in yourself. 

My reason for sharing is a simple one: I don’t want whoever is reading this to feel alone as I did. When thoughts that cross my mind are dark and scary or random and weird, I feel alone, like no one else is feeling this way except for me. The reality is everyone does at some point and you aren’t alone, no matter what your brain tells you.

You are strong. You deserve to be here. You deserve to be kind to yourself. You deserve compassion for yourself. You deserve to be nice to yourself and love yourself no matter what.

If your friend said they didn’t deserve to be there because they sucked, what would you do? You would disagree with them immediately; you would treat them with kindness, love, and compassion. Thus, when you feel less than or not deserving, remember to treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you would offer to anyone else and give it back to yourself. Because you deserve kindness, love, and compassion too, no matter what the inner critic may be saying.

We can be our worst critics who will and can fill our heads with thoughts of self-doubt and self-harm because we will accept the thought as is rather than question why it arises in this particular setting and environment. Sometimes it is too hard to ask that question of yourself, and that’s okay; yet sharing your thoughts with someone you trust can lead to feeling the feelings but not letting them control you. 

Instead, put the rebel in charge; my Rebel is aware of her limiting beliefs and doesn’t let them run her life (rather my Rebel is determined to be the victor of her life, not the victim). My Rebel recognizes intrusive thoughts as a way my mind is testing who is tuning in–the victor or the victim. When I am stuck in a pattern of intrusive thoughts, I am letting my Critic navigate, steering me toward self-doubt and freezing me in a dark tunnel of false stories. My Rebel aspires to drive through the tunnel, observing intrusive thoughts as they swoosh by in the darkness and seeing the new truth once I emerge into daylight.

I see you. I get where you are. I understand it isn’t easy to question or go against what your critic is saying. Working through our thoughts, we grow into the people we are meant to be despite them.

I implore you to validate what you know to be true and question the rest. You aren’t alone; I am right here with you. While your mind is working to keep you safe, intrusive thoughts can force you to face your limiting beliefs and test to see if you will continue to believe them. Or will you flip the script and turn them into higher truths that help you recognize your greatness?

I choose to understand my intrusive thoughts so I have the awareness to change how I react, provoking me to discern what is the higher truth and be the victor of my life.