Signs You’re The Only One Putting In The Effort (And It’s Time To Let Go)

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do things for the person you’re dating. It’s how we all show we care. So we set up dates, text them regularly, get them little gifts that remind us of them. The problems start when you end up being the only one putting in all the effort. Suddenly it feels like you’re dating the idea of a person, rather than the real deal. Listen to the signs and get out now before you end up giving your entire life away to a person who gives nothing back.

1. You’re always the one making plans.

You decide what to do. You have to pick the place, the time, the date. Because you know if you didn’t do it, they never would.

2. They never text first.

Look through your text log. When’s the last time they initiated a text exchange? If it’s been weeks or months, that’s a bad sign.

3. They never initiate anything intimate.

You always seem to be the one leaning in for the kiss or guiding them to the bedroom. Sure, they’re an enthusiastic participate while it’s happening, but it can’t feel good that the intimate connection seems like an afterthought to them. This will lead to low self-image on your part before long.

4. You know all about they’re food likes and dislikes, but they don’t know that stuff in return.

You’ve spent time learning about them. Because you care. That level of interest isn’t being reciprocated though. If you show you care by learning about them, what do you think it means when they don’t do the same?

5. You’ve gone without a gift on major holidays.

Have you heard the saying, “it’s the thought that counts?” If someone gets you a gift, the thought they put into it shows how much they care about you, regardless of what the gift actually is. And when they don’t even think to get you a gift, that’s a major red flag. No excuse is good enough (though they’ll certainly try to find one.)

6. They blame work or being tired on their lack of presence in the relationship.

If they wanted to be with you, they would. They’d find the time.

7. They’ve said, “I didn’t even think about that,” and have genuinely meant it.

Anytime you bring up something that you’ve done for them, that they haven’t reciprocated, they seem genuinely confused. Clearly, you never even crossed their mind, which is almost worse than it being on purpose.

8. They get uncomfortable when you talk about how much you like them.

It could even be something little like, “I’m glad we’re going out.” And they get weird. That’s because you’re reminding them about how unbalanced this relationship is and now they’re feeling guilty.

9. When you’re together, they barely look at you.

Their attention is glued to their phone. They won’t take their eyes off the TV. Even sitting across from you in a restaurant, they’re looking anywhere but in your eyes. That can’t feel good.

10. They never post pictures of you together.

They might not care if you post pictures on your own Instagram, but they’re definitely not doing it on their own. It’s not that they’re hiding you–they just don’t care.

11. Everything is on their terms.

Despite you putting in all the effort, you’re so attuned to what they want and need that it’s become all about them. When all your attention is on them, and none of their attention is on you, your feelings swiftly go by the wayside.

12. They’re reluctant to meet your family or friends.

There’s a lot of effort that goes into meeting the people your partner cares about. You’ve got to give a good impression, dress right, ask the right questions. But when they think of doing that for you, all that effort doesn’t seem worth the trouble. And here you are, meeting all their people. Seems unbalanced, doesn’t it?

13. You suspect that if you just stopped texting them, you’d never hear from them again.

After all, you’re the one putting in all the work. Once you’re sick of putting in all the effort, it’d probably be the easiest breakup in the world. Just stop talking to them and they won’t even notice.