Stop Holding On To The Love That Was Never Yours In The First Place

I believe everybody needs to fall in love at least once in their life. A friend told me that you meet three people in your life: your first love, your almost true love, and your true, final love. Do you think that’s true? Well, I don’t know, maybe. 

Unfortunately, in modern times, no one’s a romantic anymore. People either find or look for love in all the wrong places. People unconsciously trap themselves into these ‘ZONED’ relationships where nobody knows what can happen in the future. I have a couple of friends who sadly are victims of these circumstances.

If I know someone who’s hooked into this kind of a mess, I do my best and tell them, “Stop holding on to the love that’s never there.” Of course, just like any other person, I’ve experienced it myself—the pain and the agony of waiting for the unsure. I believe we’ve all gone there. 

I know it’s easier said than done. It’s hard when the only person who can understand you is that “friend” you can talk to till 3 a.m. It’s difficult to let go, especially when the people around you keep on telling you that he’s the perfect guy for you. It gets much more difficult if you let others influence your decisions. I know, sometimes you might think that they might be right, but what if they’re wrong?

Nobody understands how hard it is to say no when he needs you to be by his side because he’s lonely and frustrated. Nobody knows how heartbreaking it is for you when he’s broken, and what’s worse is, deep within, you know that you’re the only one who can console him. 

When he’s the first one to greet you on your birthday and gives you a gift that only he knows about. The joy of hidden jokes and the intimacy of stories in the past that only the two of you know of. He opens his heart to you and shows you his vulnerabilities, strengths and weaknesses as a friend. 

You feel special because he tells you all these sentiments, but that’s on you. If you give meaning to everything, then you’re only hurting yourself. I don’t blame you for loving that person—it is and was inevitable to begin with. But please, do your best to free yourself from that more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers situation. 

In a world where everybody’s dispirited, insecure, and despaired, it’s human nature to find comfort and love in someone who listens to all your crap. You become each other’s comfort zone, fortress, and hope. 

Jeremiah 17:9 in the bible says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick, who can understand it?”

I think this is a fact that we all know: the heart is always deceitful, but it makes us happy. Even the fallacy of falling in love without being loved back is the best feeling there is in this world. 

But my friend, remember your worth. Set aside your heart for that person God is preparing for you. Loving someone is indeed the best feeling, but to be loved is a gift that God gave everyone. 

When I got married, I always thought that people didn’t know when somebody loves or likes them. But my husband said, “People are not stupid; if they become too close, and their friends are matchmaking them, then they both know that either of them wants to be more than friends.” 

So, it’s pretty self-explanatory. 

For whoever is reading this, and if you think you’re cornered, I’ve got two things for you: 

  1. Set your focus on your self-worth. I hope one day, you can find someone who’ll give you the love that you deserve. The love that will teach you how to love yourself. And the love that developed not just because you’re the only one that’s there. Remember, be that friend that doesn’t cross the line or be doomed forever. 
  2. Be brave and confront that person. Life is too short. Tell them what you feel, but always prepare your heart for the worst. Pain is received way better when prepared. Don’t let your pride get in the way. You know them more, so if it’s feasible — ask, receive, pray then let go. 

Let go of the old feelings and welcome the newer ones, be it acceptance or rejection. It will help you to move on. There are 7 billion people on this planet and God’s plan for you is still cooking in the oven. Infatuation can blind us from what is right or wrong, especially if it involves matters of the heart. 

Lastly, take control of your relationships. Give and take, and never expect anything—simple words that sadly people seem to take for granted.