The 3 Most Important Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self
Now that I am halfway through my 30th year in this life, I often think about who I was when I was younger. Growing up, I struggled with low self-esteem and often debilitating anxiety. Friendships and relationships have always been difficult for me, as I do not feel comfortable around others easily. I am always waiting for the bad thing to come around the corner and ruin a good day when I have one. I have been trying to break myself of my perpetually negative mindset for as long as I can remember.
My life has been shaped by the way others have perceived me and the way I have always felt like I am being perceived. It has taken me until age 30 to finally feel somewhat comfortable in my own skin, but most days, I am still struggling.
If I could go back in time and make things better for my younger self, I would. No one should feel like they are less than for being different. And no one should be afraid to ask for help when needed.
Here are a few things I wish I could tell my younger self. If you are reading this, know these words are for you, too.
1. No One Else Gets To Decide If You Are Beautiful
Please do not allow your peers, your family, the media, or anyone else to make you feel like you are not beautiful. There is not one specific way to be beautiful. Everyone is beautiful, regardless of what the current trends have to say about it. Beauty is so much more than what you see on the surface; it is everything that is within you. You do not have to look like the influencers or the popular people in your class in order to be beautiful. You just have to love and accept yourself. The right people will always see your beauty.
And if someone doesn’t? Then they are not meant for you. Those who are meant to be in your life will never try to change you to be someone you are not. They will be attracted to you because of who you are, and they will never make you question your worth. Wait for the ones who see your beauty, rather than settling for the ones who cannot accept you as you are.
2. You Are Not A Burden
Having anxiety does not make you a burden. Wanting to spend quality time with your significant other does not make you a burden. Asking questions when something feels off does not make you a burden. Being human does not make you a burden.
Anyone who makes you feel like you are being difficult when all you are asking for is respect is not someone you need in your life. Asking for your basic needs to be met does not make you annoying or pushy; someone who loves you should want to meet you halfway. Real relationships and friendships require work, and you are not wrong to ask someone to put in equal effort.
You are a living, breathing human being, not a trophy for someone to show off when it is beneficial and convenient for them.
3. Love Is Not Synonymous With Fear
I know that sometimes the world makes you feel like you are unlovable. I know that you have waited a long time for someone to finally choose you. But I promise you, someone who makes you live in fear is not someone who truly loves you. Love is not fear. Love is not control. You deserve better than to hide in someone else’s shadow because you are too afraid to make them upset.
One good day out of hundreds of bad days does not make a relationship healthy. No one should ever have to walk on eggshells to get someone to stay in their life; if you have to lose yourself in order to keep someone else happy, then this is not the relationship for you. You shouldn’t be afraid to wear the wrong outfit, eat the wrong food, or say the wrong word during a conversation. People in healthy relationships are able to express themselves freely without being afraid of their partner’s next move. Disagreements in relationships are unavoidable, but fearing the person who is supposed to be in love with you? That should never be something you have to experience.
Being alone can seem scary, but being with someone who creates physical fear in you is far worse. Please don’t force yourself to stay with someone who mistreats you just because you feel like you’ll never meet anyone else. You might not meet them tomorrow or the next day or in the next year, but when you do, you won’t be afraid anymore. I promise you, there are still good people out there.
You deserve so much more than you think you do.