Mallory Johndrow

The Creepiest Thing About You, According To A Tarot Reader


Your card: Queen of Cups

You’re super calm. Like, eerily so. While everyone else is freaking out about something, you’ve got that serene face on. Honestly, it’s making everyone uncomfortable. You don’t have to be so stoic all the time. You’re not a robot. (Wait…are you?)


Your card: The Tower

You’re walking chaos every time something changes in your life. It could be the littlest thing, but you’re acting like it’s the end of the world. Those changing moods throws a lot of people off, and for good reason. Your zero to sixty chaos is creepy.


Your card: 7 of Pentacles

Any failure and you’re a walking husk of a person. You work hard, you toil away, and you still sometimes fail. We all do, but you seem to take that failure as both a personal flaw and a personality trait. It’s almost as if you wear that failure like some weird badge of honor, and people are afraid those vibes are going to rub off on them.


Your card: 9 of Swords

You’re outwardly very sweet, loving, and motherly. Your creepiness hides in the dark. When someone gets to know you long enough, they realize your skill at cruelty. Whether it’s cruelty toward yourself or others, you’re adept at twisting the knife. If your friends are avoiding you, this is why.


Your card: 5 of Cups

Whenever you’re suffering emotionally, it seeps out of you and touches everything around you. You’re boiling over with unhappiness, and that dark cloud makes you anything but inviting and friendly. It’s creepy how far-reaching your sad vibes are.


Your card: Page of Pentacles

Your domineering attitude is oppressive. You think you know everything, and thus lord it over everyone who you think could learn from your experience. It’s almost as if you’re this presence hovering over our shoulders like some spooky ghost. But, like, in a know-it-all kind of way.


Your card: Queen of Pentacles

You smother people. Hopefully not literally, but definitely figuratively. You think you’re nurturing, but everyone else just thinks you’re being a little–or a lot–too clingy. If you don’t give people space to breathe, they’re going to suffocate.


Your card: King of Wands

You have impossible expectations of people, which means they can never make you happy. And that means that people are afraid to let you down. And you don’t want people to be afraid of you, right? Something tells me you don’t mind.


Your card: The Sun

Look up “toxic positivity,” and there’s your picture. A sunshiny disposition is great and all, but when you’re still smiling through strife, people are going to get concerned. You can’t be happy all the time. And if you are, your friends and family will start dialing helplines.


Your card: 8 of Cups

You avoid bad feelings so much that you’ve become totally emotionless. You’re like an empty shell anytime something remotely bad happens to you, and everyone finds your desolate husk creepy as hell.


Your card: 9 of Wands

You’ve got the grit, you’ve got the energy. When other people would be flagging, you’re gung-ho as usual. Since everyone else needs a break and clearly you don’t, that 24/7 mentality is starting to creep everyone out. If you don’t take a break soon, people are going to think you’re a pod person.


Your card: 7 of Wands

When you finally give up on something or someone–and it takes a lot for you to finally make that decision–you’re never going back. Some people in your life find it inhuman how easy it is for you to write people and things off once you’ve finally had enough. It just shows that you should never be crossed.