The One Question To Ask Yourself That Will Make Or Break Your Relationship

Whether you’re on cloud nine, floating along in your honeymoon phase, or you’re questioning whether or not you should be together, a little introspection goes a long way to determining if this relationship is here to stay. Are you a perfect match, or are you doomed? Are you with a loving partner or someone who’s trying to tear you down? We’re often clouded by our emotions. After all, “love is blind.” If you’re in need of some insight, ask yourself this one question to determine whether your relationship has staying power:

If my relationship is always like this, am I okay with that?

It sounds simple enough. At face value it might be easy to think, “sure, I’m happy. I’m okay with forever.” But here are some scenarios where this can really be illuminating.

If he’s always making excuses for his poor behavior, the answer should be “no.” Every time he comes home late or gives you the silent treatment or yells at you for minor things, he has an explanation. He was just tired. He’s stressed from work. He was drunk. It’ll get better after his promotion, he promises. Never hold out hope for that nebulous “someday” to come. People rarely change.

If you want to change him, the answer should be “no.” You aren’t with your partner because of the way they are, you’re with them for the way you think they will become. Let’s retire the idea that you should be trying to change your partner. That’s not a relationship. Just like the above instance, you can’t–and shouldn’t–change someone. If you don’t like them now, do your partner a huge favor and cut the cord.

If you’re the problem, the answer should be “no.” Timing is everything. If your life is currently in shambles and you’re being terrible to everyone around you, why put your partner through that, too? When asking yourself if you’d be happy if things were always like this, surely you wouldn’t be happy with your partner being miserable while with you.

If outside forces are always getting in the way, the answer should be “no.” It’s one thing if you’ve been able to dig yourself out of tough situations. Not everything is permanent. Maybe you dealt with terrible wages while going to school, but now you’ve graduated and are earning more. But what if that outside influence is always dogging your relationship? For instance, if your partner’s mom is always butting into your relationship and he lets her do it, you can bet that will stay the case if you go longterm.

If my relationship is always like this, am I okay with that?

Then again, if you ask yourself this question and it makes you smile, your heart full, that’s a damn good sign. Stick it out for the long haul. While things can and do change (and it helps to revisit this question when they do) you at least know for now that you’re happy with your relationship and it’s well worth the effort.