The Truth Is, Grief Is The Strongest Form Of Love

1 John 3:14 – “Anyone who does not know love is still in death.“

I’ve always wondered aimlessly about this one particular Bible quote growing up as a Catholic. I prayed, confessed my sins, and attempted to live by the word of God every day in preparation for a promised eternal life. I was amazed at how the culture of religion had a tendency to worship death so intensely that it stood in the way of truly loving present life. I always felt that being a devoted Catholic was just a strategy for coping with my fear and worry of death rather than embracing and readily equipping myself for the coming of it. This mindset was so deeply anxiety-producing. It wasn’t until I faced death through losing friends and family that I found difficulty applying love to such heart-wrenching circumstances.

We all know from experience how real this is. We are taught from a young age that death is the moment we wind our last breath and not that death lives among us. This cultural obsession with death that we are taught consumes energy that could be given to the art of loving. 

Unlike love, death will touch us all at some point in our own lives. The ability to love makes it possible for us to change our worship, our fear, and our avoidance of death to the celebration of life. It takes courage to befriend our grief once we face death in our lives. Grief is a sign of value and is a painful love language—but it is a symbol that love exists.

I want to remind you that those that you have loved deeply and who have died live on in you, not just as memories but as real presences. I still speak about people who have died in my life in the present tense, but death has allowed me to love them completely. Some days, a part of me believed that my world crumbled without the physical existence of my loved ones, but loving someone beyond the grave taught me that love is what continues to keep us connected from the ground up. I can continue to love people despite the divide of the living and the dead. Death is when love is tested. Death can be when love is strongest. We can live on people’s legacies in our everyday movement. Love empowers us to live fully and die well. 

My grandmother recently passed away at the age of 83 in March of 2022. To state that we were best friends is an understatement. She was, and still is, a second mother to me and my better half. A week has never gone by where I haven’t visited her grave to say hello and recite a prayer with her. She was the only grandparent I had growing up and was an unsung hero that ingrained every virtue that my family functions off of to this day—some of these being unconditional patience, understanding, acts of service and merciful love. In some cases, plenty may not say it, however, not everyone is as lucky to remember someone who has passed in a pleasant way such as I do. Her death was, to say the least, unexpected and heart-rending. In most cases, this is just how death works. Every ambition I shared with my grandma was followed by her words of encouragement: “Do it if it is good for you and your family—always finish what you started.” She encouraged me to live fully as she did and to live a life without regret. 

If we become obsessed with the idea of death hiding and waiting to entrap us, we are not making death more real but life less real. Detachment from death leaves you wondering and it hinders you from the truth that allows you to speak with your heart. Death is supposed to be painful if love exists; it doesn’t become an end to life but a part of living. When we choose to love, be with who we love, to do things we love, we live with the awareness and clarity of mind to embrace the realization of our dying in a manner that allows us to live more fully. The only thing in life that is equal amongst everyone is a life that lives in the harmony of death. Accepting death with love means we embrace the truth of the uncertainty and of experiences in which we have no control. This concept of death and celebrating a life, especially when the death is unexpected, makes it harder to live up to and believe. We all have that one thing or that one person that teaches us to create a life that is worth remembering. For me, it’s my grandma. 

The heartbreak that follows death still comes from a place of love. It took me a long time to realize that my grievance towards my grandma’s death came from a place in my heart that had so much love for her. We hurt because we truly shared love with those who passed on without us. Don’t allow this to stop you from holding onto life with a grateful heart. We can become so consumed by our own grief that we forget how lucky we all are to have people around us that make a goodbye a difficult thing to give. Celebrate the small moments with those around you. Appreciate the small gestures, even by strangers—these are all blessings. Moving forward with gratitude isn’t leaving your loved ones behind because day by day, you become closer to joining them. Life is not promised, but love is. Love keeps living and you deserve to too.