There’s nothing casual about sex. It’s not only an exchange of bodies. It’s an exchange of souls. It’s the exposure of your heart.
It’s more than just a moment of pleasure. It’s a way to communicate your wants and explore your needs. There’s something freeing about relaxing your body beneath someone you trust when you’ve previously lacked the confidence to do so.
There’s something ironic about continually exposing your vulnerability, your nakedness, to someone who ultimately can’t even see you.
There’s something about knowing that your bond can potentially create new life. That angels have gone to war over this ability. Yet a sexual partner can treat you like an insignificant moment in time.
Of course emotions drive you insane, leaving you broken, almost beyond repair. It’s traumatizing to realize a partner can easily recreate moments you consider unique with someone else.
We think a barrier to stop the transmission of sexual disease is enough, when ultimately, there’s nothing to protect us from the transmission of our heart.
Of course it shatters your self-esteem, knowing that a partner didn’t choose you after giving your all to them. Of course you feel a little embarrassed for catching feelings swiftly when you know it’s supposed to be a fling.
You wonder how the same mouth that tenderly caressed you can speak with such indifference now.
It’s devastating when you give your body to the wrong person as a sacrifice.
It leaves a slow healing wound.
We live in a world where we value sexual liberation, openness, and fluidity more than monogamy. You’ve tried to adjust, you’ve been attempting to adapt, but the truth is, you value deep connections and committed relationships. You want to feel safe in the arms of your partner. You want to feel assured that despite temptation, they still choose you.
People tell you that you’re the odd one out, to get with the times, that you’re too much and delusional. It’s hard not to feel isolated. It’s hard not to feel more and more alone each day.
You tried casual sex even when you knew the experience would hurt you in the end. You’re starting to realize that maybe casual sex isn’t for you.
You don’t know where that leaves you, but you know it’s better than having your spirit broken as compensation for having your back broken.
You see, there’s nothing casual about casual sex, and you’re not crazy for feeling that way.