If you’ve spent any time around men or, worse, listening to those terrible men-centric podcasts, you’ll know what men think women want. To them, we want ripped muscles, designer everything, and a car that costs at least six figures. If you asked some men, they’d say we care about status, being taken care of, and wash-board abs. They assume we want Ryan Reynolds when we’re instead lusting over Harry Styles or Joseph Quinn. If it’s not status and muscles, what do we care about? What do we find attractive? Three TikTok users describe it perfectly:
The Three Layers of the Female Gaze
First, let’s look at Marielle Greguski’s delightful take on what women really find attractive. According to her, there are three layers to the female gaze based on how men react to what we like:
- They totally get it. Men aren’t surprised we like them. (Henry Cavill)
- They kind of get it. They see that the guy is probably attractive, but they don’t really understand why we’re this into them. (Dev Patel)
- They don’t get it at all. They have no clue why we’d find these men so attractive. (Bill Hader)
As she explains, it’s not (just) about the way these men look. It’s about their confidence, how they treat other people, how much they care for and are attractive to the women they love. Those traits go such a long way into making a man attractive. If you want more examples, she also has a part two and part three.
Men’s Attractiveness in Three Dimensions
As mads says above, hotness and ugliness aren’t opposites. Someone can be hot and “ugly” at the same time. Here are her three dimensions of hotness:
- Ugly to handsome. This is in the traditional senses of the word.
- Boring looking to interesting looking. Someone can be attractive yet boring looking, which makes them less hot.
- Personality and context. How do they act? How do they treat people?
It’s usually that third dimension, personality and context, that truly effects how hot someone actually is. She gives examples, like Henry Cavill. He’s the hottest when he’s nerding out over building a gaming PC or when he’s cuddling with his dog. Are men understanding the nuance of this? It doesn’t seem like it.
Clearly mads is onto something, because mega supermodel Emily Ratajkowski even duetted her video showing that she agrees:
If men won’t listen to emrata, they won’t listen to anyone.
It’s When Men Don’t Care What Other Men Think
Not all guys have terrible takes on this, though. Here’s a guy on TikTok, FrancescoGatto, who’s got it all figured out. The image that most guys have about what they think women find attractive is guys putting on the stereotypical masculine persona. In reality, women like guys who are confident and don’t just do things to fit a male standard. And all us girlies who love Harry Styles can attest to that.