This Is How Death Can Change You For The Better
The most significant risk we take in life is taking the chance to love people, whether it’s a family member, a partner, or an animal. There are two outcomes: you die and they have to learn to live without you, or they die and you have to learn to live without them. When you are a victim of the second scenario, your life changes whether you like it or not. Your outlook on life changes.
There are some questions people ask you when you go through loss, especially when it looks like you’ve made it out on the other side of this awful grief journey.
“Does it get easier?”
“No, it just gets easier to manage.”
“Do you still miss them?”
“Yes, you may not think of them every second of every day, but the random moments where they should be there hit you and you just miss them so DAMN much.”
“Do you move on?”
“No, you never move on from something so terrible, and you move forward with it in your heart.”
But the question I have gotten through most of my grief that I haven’t found an answer to until recently was: “Is there anything good that has come from your loss?”
I often responded, “No, but I know everything happens for a reason.” I never actually truly believed that answer coming out of my mouth. It was an easy response when I didn’t have something to make someone just starting out on their grief journey feel better.
But the truth is that death isn’t something you’re supposed to make sense of—it is quite literally the most senseless thing. Cancer, suicide, heart attacks, murder, and freak accidents make no sense, especially when it happens to someone you love so much.
Society has often made it our job to make sense of things like this. Everything doesn’t happen for a reason; sometimes, things just happen, and we must decide how we will live our lives after it. How is this terrible thing going to change you? Will it be for the better, or will it be for the worse?
So when I think of that question again, “Is there anything good that has come from your loss?”
The answer is still no. Because there never will be something quite as good as having the person I loved so much back in my life. But my loss did change me in ways that I couldn’t have ever imagined.
Loss taught me that life is precious, far too short, and that no one ever feels like they get enough time to do what they want to. It taught me to say yes to things I never thought I would have because I knew there might not be a chance to do it again. It showed me that I’ll be grieving forever, but that it is the biggest testament to my ability to love someone. I learned that someone you love dying can make you a much stronger, more loving, and kinder person.
Most importantly, death gave me an urgency for life – it made me want to live hard and fully every single day in a way I didn’t know was possible.
That is what loss can do for you. Please don’t let it break you. Let it make you. Let this terrible thing teach you lessons that some will never be privy to till much later in life—or when it is too late.
Death changes you, and even though it can feel so dark at first, let it change you for the better.