To The People That Fucked Me Over: Thank You

I’m thankful for the people that fucked me over. Yes, you read that right. 

To the people that have doubted me, judged me, laughed at me, deceived me, betrayed me, mistreated me, or just thought I was “too much”, I have to thank you because that’s what led me to where I am now. Staring at myself in the mirror and feeling nothing but utter fucking confidence. 

When someone fucks you over, whether it’s an ex, an “almost” relationship, a friend, a family member, a colleague, it hurts. The pain from it can feel permanent, like a scar that just won’t fade. People will tell you to “look at the bright side.” But what even is the bright side when someone you trust has wronged you? How do you flip the perspective when the hurt is still so fresh?

The answer? You don’t.

I actually hate when someone says to me “Look at the silver lining.” Well, I can’t look at the silver lining when I’m crying into my emotional support ice cream (Ben & Jerry’s) while watching Friends on repeat (comfort show).

It’s just not possible to switch your perspective right away when you’re feeling hurt and shocked. It’s not easy to immediately bounce back and find the reason why this is happening to you. 

As much as it sucks, you have to sit with the pain. You have to grieve. You have to let the anger out. You have to cry. You have to go through the motions. You have to lean on the people you trust for support. You have to know that it’s going to be okay. But in that moment, you don’t have to find the silver lining.

You can’t find the gratitude in getting fucked over when you’re knee deep in the pain. It comes later on. It comes when you’ve realized that the people who have hurt you, the people who were careless with your heart and feelings, are the reason you are about to embark on something amazing. It’s because of them that you were redirected to find something or someone even better. That’s when you’re finally able to look back and connect the dots. That’s when you finally can see why that happened to you. 

This all just dawned on me recently as I have pulled myself out of a rut. Looking back, I’m starting to connect the dots, I’m starting to see why some people left my life. And let me tell you, I’m damn grateful they did.