Your twenties are all about self-exploration. You’re figuring out who you are or what you need–and that includes discovering what your love language is. You’ve realized that certain actions by your partner work to make you feel loved far more than others, whether it’s them stating that they love you or showing you with their quality time. But now that you’ve figured out what you need in your twenties, it’s time to start having the confidence to ask for it in your thirties. By the time you’re 30, this is what you should understand about your love language.
Remember: You can set the terms of what “quality” means.
When some partners hear “quality time,” they assume that just sitting next to each other while you binge-watch The Office for the tenth time is enough to count. While that works for some, it might not work for you. Be honest about what you see as quality time. It could mean weekly date nights, fun hiking adventures, or having picnics in your favorite parks. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, and don’t settle for quality time that’s lacking actual quality.
Remember: You need consent from both parties for this to work.
There’s a lot more to this love language than sexual experiences. You’re likely a fan of hugs and hand-holding, too. But when it comes to the sexual aspect, remember that you need enthusiastic consent from everyone involved. If your partner doesn’t have much of a libido, guilting them into the bedroom under the guise of “but it’s my love language” is icky at best and SA at worst.
Remember: There’s a thin line between satisfaction and greed.
The image of the “receiving gifts” love language is often confused with the “gimme a new car” housewife trope that was all over TV and film in the ’90s. In reality, this love language is way more about the old adage, “it’s the thought that counts.” Rather than expecting jewelry every other week, receiving gifts is more about being shown they care without asking for it. It could be something as simple as a bouquet of flowers for no reason, or your favorite snack at the store. Not every gift has to–or should–break the bank.
Words of Affirmation
Remember: Having this love language doesn’t make you insecure.
Words of affirmation is one of the most difficult love languages to ask for. Society has taught us that if you have to ask if someone loves you, then that just means you’re insecure. To them, you should be satisfied being shown. This often leads to people with words of affirmation as their love language just suffering in silence and never asking for what they need: Their love expressed in words. Having this love language doesn’t make you insecure. It just means you like when people’s feelings are stated plainly so you don’t have to wonder.
Acts of Service
Remember: Let your partner know that you don’t want to have to ask for help.
The biggest stumbling block of acts of service is expressing to your partner that you don’t want to have to ask. There’s a huge difference between someone getting your car washed because they noticed it was dirty rather than you asking them to do it. One shows that they care and the other shows that they need to be reminded that you exist. As you enter your thirties, remember that you shouldn’t have to ask someone to care about you. They either show you, or you’re out the door.