What More Than The Bare Minimum Is (Because It’s Not Just Texting Back)
It’s time we define some universal standards of what the bare minimum actually is so we stop being impressed by it.
After all, because so many of us are used to receiving less than, we still swoon when someone we’re dating gives us the absolute least. For example, literally remembering our birthdays or simply texting us back to confirm plans before 8 PM the night of. We tell ourselves that it’s more than we’re used to receiving so we ought to be grateful. Something is better than nothing, right? Partners who give us the bare minimum are better than having no one, right?
Not really.
Because the truth of that matter is that a person who only gives you the bare minimum and nothing more isn’t truly invested in you or the relationship. And while the relationship can technically stay afloat on bare minimum effort, it will never thrive. The bare minimum will keep the relationship as is for as long as you both choose to stay. In other words, stagnant.
You don’t want a stale partnership. You want to bloom, blossom, and evolve together. The bare minimum will never be enough to accomplish this.
If you want to know what more than the bare minimum is, you need to know it isn’t just remembering your birthday. It’s planning something special to celebrate you for it. More than the bare minimum is finding new and personalized ways to show how loved you are each year and every single day, too.
More than the bare minimum isn’t just texting back. It’s communicating effectively, which means timely replies and open conversations when you’re together in person. More than the bare minimum is being honest, even when it’s really fucking hard. It’s fighting right and it’s compromise. More than the bare minimum being present and actively listening.
More than the bare minimum isn’t just loading their cup in the dishwasher. It’s ensuring you’re both sharing the workload fairly. It’s asking how they can help you prepare to host Christmas dinner. More than the bare minimum isn’t just expecting you to take note of what’s in the pantry and when it needs restocking. It’s taking ownership of your shared life and not expecting you to do everything.
Of course, what is considered more than the bare minimum will slightly vary from person to person. However, the questions you can ask yourself to determine if someone is meeting your standards is this:
Is this partnership adding something to my life or not? If so, how? And if not, why?
How you answer that question will determine what your baseline is. And if your partner is unable to meet you where you’re at and then some, please know you deserve better than that. The bare minimum is not impressive, it is not flattering, and it is not better than nothing. You’re better off alone than settling for a bare minimum partner. Always.