When You Finally Realize He Wasn’t The Man You Thought He Was

When you finally realize he wasn’t the man you thought he was, you will feel it. It’s an ache in your chest, your gut, your whole being. Maybe you’ve felt it before or maybe this is the first time. But this kind of ache will be so heavy, like cupping your hands underwater. You’re trying to hold it, but you can’t — it’s just slipping through the cracks of your fingers. This feeling will be so consuming of your body, filling you with sadness, disappointment, hurt, anger, regret. You will become a graveyard of everything you never wanted to feel. 

When you realize he wasn’t the man you thought he was, you might tell yourself that you did something wrong, that you were the problem, you were the reason he did the things he did. None of that is true. Don’t let your hurt scare you into thinking it was your fault — because it wasn’t. If this happens, just be gentle with yourself. That false narrative will disappear eventually. Self-forgiveness isn’t easy but it is necessary. Forgive yourself for not only blaming yourself for what happened, but also for staying with him for longer than you should’ve, and for accepting the little love he barely gave you. 

When you finally realize he wasn’t the man you thought he was, you will also realize what and who you deserve. Sometimes it’s not easy to see how you’re settling for the bare minimum from someone when you’re in it. Especially when you love them. Especially when you feel safe and comfortable with them. Especially when you think that’s all you deserve, or when you don’t realize how much more you deserve. 

You might also ask for closure from him. You might ask for an apology, or at the very least just wait around for one. But when you realize he wasn’t the man you thought he was, you will also have to accept that you might not get closure. You might not get an apology. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you will have to find closure in your own way. That’s just the way it goes. 

When you realize he wasn’t the man you thought he was, you will be hurt. You will feel sorry for yourself. You will regret loving him. And all of that is valid. Every feeling you’re feeling is valid — and it will eventually pass. It will feel lighter, one day.