Which Birth Month Will Most Likely Break Your Heart (Ranked)

Some birth months apparently come with a reputation for turning love stories into plot twists nobody asked for. Read on to see where your birth month lands, and learn a little more about how you love, lose, and let go.

1. November

Worst of the worst. Falling in love with someone born in November is like falling through a trapdoor. They will sting your heart in a million little places and let it slowly bleed out. They are the type that will laugh in your face as you cry. As you start crying harder, they will start laughing harder. They are sadistic little demons who can’t control their mean streak, so avoid getting into romantic entanglements with them at all costs. However, if you’re just looking for a hook up…

2. January

I don’t want to hurt your feelings here, but those born in January don’t care if they hurt your feelings. They will gladly rip your heart out of your body and toss it in the waste can. They play with your heart like a cat toys with a mouse, just happily slapping it around the carpet with their paws. You may be able to change them, but it may take decades, because they can be stubborn.

3. April

GRRRR! They can be such JERKS! They will pummel your heart as ferociously as an up-and-coming boxer hits a punching bag. Why do they hurt you? Because they can. Because you let yourself be vulnerable. Don’t let your guard down around someone born in April until you’re sure you can trust them. And even then, be a little bit wary. And it’s not like I’m speaking from personal experience or anything. I swear.

4. September

When they’re done with the relationship, they will snuff out your heart like a lady in high heels snuffs out a cigarette on a dirty city street and just walks to the nearest diner to get a cup of coffee. September natives aren’t complete unfeeling monsters, because they’re plenty capable of feeling pain—that is, about themselves. But they couldn’t care less if they dumped you and left you a sobbing mess. To them, that’s your problem.

5. August

As brutal as they can be with your feelings, they’ll never admit it. That’s the worst thing about someone born in August—they pretend they don’t know how vicious and mean they really are. If you’re in the middle of an argument and they bring up that nasty thing your mother called you as a kid, their attitude is, “Hey, damage was already done, I’m not saying anything new, quit acting all hurt.” It would be better, and would hurt far less, if they just flat-out admitted they were intentionally stabbing you deep in your guts.

6. July

If you’ve only committed misdemeanors in your relationship and not felonies, someone born in July isn’t likely to get vengeful or insulting when the two of you finally go your separate ways. For example, if you were just incompatible and there wasn’t much passion, they can break up amicably. But if, say, they were head-over-heels in love with you and you wound up sleeping with their best friend during that one fateful drunken night at the shore, they will push every button they know will hurt you and try to ensure you never emotionally recover. So don’t step on their heart, and they are likely to leave yours alone. Otherwise, prepare to have your heart stomped flat.

7. June

They’ll step on your heart not because they’re malicious but because they’re clumsy. It’s purely unintentional. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, sure, but I’ll cut the June-born a little slack here due to their lack of malice. They’re not mean, they’re just stupid. They’re not even technically inconsiderate, because that would imply they have the ability to be considerate. They’re generally lost in their own world and make their own decisions about their own lives and are always genuinely surprised if it harms someone else—especially someone they claim to love.

8. December

For the most part, Sags are loyal partners and generous lovers, and every once in a while you’ll find a keeper that you’ll want to escape to a desert island with and sleep on hammocks with and eat coconuts with for the rest of your life. But whether or not it works out between the two of you, a Sag isn’t usually the type who’d post pictures of them with someone new the day after you broke up, even if they’re actually hanging out with that person the day after you broke up. They lived in your heart for a while, and like a considerate tenant, they left everything tidy rather than messy.

9. February

Someone born in February, no matter how badly you’ve betrayed them, would never do anything on purpose to hurt your feelings. If it’s time to split and your romance can’t be fixed, they’ll just take your heart, wrap it up in a box, tie it with a bow, hand it back to you, and walk you to the door as they show you the way out of their lives. They’ll even give you a kiss on the cheek and wish you well.

10. May

Bullish in matters of business, they are gentle doves in matters of the heart. If you fall for someone born in May and somehow it doesn’t work out, they have a magical way of leaving you feeling wiser and stronger and grateful…rather than angry and weak and hateful.

11. October

They’ve been hurt before—badly. They also have a conscience, so they have vowed to never hurt anyone that badly. Things can go wrong in romances, and people can eventually drift apart no matter how much they love one another or wish to be together, but someone born in October will never wrong you to the point you feel like punching them or slashing their tires. When things are finally over, you won’t even wish them harm.

12. March

They don’t have a mean bone in their body—that’s right, even their bones are kind and considerate! Someone born in March will let you down so easy, it feels like you’re falling slow-motion into a field of marshmallows. It’s almost as gentle as setting a butterfly free. Don’t get me wrong—someone born in March may break up with you, but they will never break your heart.