Why I Air My Dirty Laundry In Public
“Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a new way to stand.” ~Oprah Winfrey
After all this time, I still don’t consider myself to be a writer, although I have published a memoir and you may even see some of my articles on different websites like this one. The truth is I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, soon-to-be gramma, friend, and neighbor, just like all of you. Life happens, and I feel at times I have something important to say.
I read a comment once that said, “You will be sorry someday for airing your dirty laundry in public.” One of my most valuable lessons I have learned is that I can’t live life with regret. That doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes or wish I had done things differently at times, but none of us can go back. We can only move forward.
What is dirty laundry? Mucky. Untidy. Messy. Unsightly. Stained. Filthy. Disheveled. Just like life sometimes.
I write and speak occasionally about topics that make some people uncomfortable. Alcoholism. Mental Illness. Narcissism. Enabling. Toxic Relationships. Childhood Trauma. Suicide. Even my own personal mental health breakdown and other subjects based on my own personal journey. Often, these things are hidden behind closed doors within families because of shame—which, in my opinion, is part of the problem and why these things continue generation after generation. There isn’t one experience I have reflected on, nor one word I have ever typed or spoken, that doesn’t come from a place of complete and utter love.
Never, not once, in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a few months ago, at 53 years old, I would learn through an innocent 23andMe DNA test that my dad, the one I loved and who raised me, wasn’t my biological father. Yet here I am with another one of life’s challenges to add to my personal laundry basket.
It is easy to forget sometimes when we watch the news about someone, read a newspaper article, scroll online, or listen to a podcast that these are all real people. When we order popcorn and enjoy a night out to watch a movie based on a true story or read a memoir, like one of my all-time favorites, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, these are intertwined with other family members. Does anyone accuse Oprah Winfrey of airing peoples’ “dirty laundry” when she spends decades interviewing interesting people? These journeys are not always light and fluffy, filled with kittens and butterflies, but can still have such an emotional connection.
I can confidently say I am exceptionally proud of how far I have come. And it took a lot of time, focus, strength, and deep reflection to get here. Tears. Therapy. Exercise. Books. Healthy Diet. More Tears. More Therapy. Writing. Antidepressant medication. And most importantly, change.
My own life has been extraordinarily beautiful yet incredibly bumpy at times. In two short weeks after learning this devastating news, I used my skills and accepted and found peace with what life has chosen for me with regards to my newfound news from 23andMe that someone else was my biological father. I even wrote an article, as I thought there was a bigger lesson once you peeled away the layers.
Any story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Some of the most meaningful stories have started as complicated, sad, unbelievable, tragic, and messy, turning into some of the greatest and most meaningful and powerful lessons I have ever learned. Sharing life’s experiences can change lives, and I personally could never have gotten to my healthy place without others that have been brave enough to share very personal details about their lives.
The first thing I do each day is wake up very early, pour myself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, snuggle tightly into my oversized living room chair, and read all my business and personal emails. It touches my heart when I receive messages, like today, that in some small way my story has impacted someone else’s life.
“Hi Jodee. I read your article on 23 and me and found it so helpful. I recently learned that my dad wasn’t my birth father and I am devastated. However, I printed your article and read [it] when I am down. Thank you so much.”
When I was lost and needed understanding, strength, courage, and inspiration, much of that came from embracing stories from other people. I hope in some small way, when I share my stories, my journey touches someone else’s heart and that they feel not so alone. Alone. It is what I felt for so long.
No one should ever be sorry or ashamed for doing what they need to do to live life on their terms, and that includes talking openly and honestly. I believe that is to be encouraged and celebrated.
What would I say to those that still believe this is nothing more than airing private dirty laundry? Absolutely nothing. After all, another great lesson I have learned and lived by is that the only person I have control over is me.