Why You Should Never Enter A Relationship Hoping You Can ‘Fix’ Him

You shouldn’t take on the responsibility of fixing someone else because their actions are out of your control. Here are stories about what happened to real people who tried to fix their partner:

“Wasted 15 years on them. The goalpost was always moving and it never got better. The thing is, someone has to actually want to do better for themselves and have the drive to pick up the tools that are given to them to make something. They have to want to do the work. And not for any person other than themselves. If they don’t want it on a personal level, they might do some things for you for a little while but it won’t stick unless it’s for them.” — Born_Cloud_6381

“The wanting to fix him mindset implies they aren’t good as they are. And we should really be with people who are in a good place and want to help them do better. Not in a low place and just trying to get them in a ‘normal’ place. If they feel they aren’t good enough, it can lead to a whole mess of other issues. That is exactly what happened to me. He cheated with people that would make him feel good enough because I didn’t. I’m not excusing the cheating, but the fact that I said I ‘liked a project’ in the beginning was a sign I shouldn’t have engaged with him at all. They can also grow resentment if you’re in a better spot than them as well…which also happened to us. So he took even more insecurities out on me. All around, bad situation.” — intuition434

“I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn’t make us right for each other. In the end, I think they’re in a much happier place than they could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested. We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later.” — MrWeb20

“In trying to ‘fix’ him I lost myself completely. I gained weight, my mental health was so bad, ashamed to say that I even neglected my own child at times because I was so busy try to ‘fix’ him. In the end the physical and mental toll it had on both of us was unbearable and we ended things. He went on to find someone not even a year later and I’m 90% sure she just took over my role. I almost feel bad for her. He just jumped shipped onto the next one. He will never be happy until he ‘fixes’ himself. Never again will I do that. Never.” — dasbadass

“I raised them from the rock bottom they were in and they proceeded to cheat on me. I ended up in the psych ward twice because he shattered my mental health. In the end I lost myself trying to keep him afloat.” — lostobjectivity24

“There is a weird thing that happens when you ‘fix’ someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were.” — TrippinPNW

“I didn’t manage to fix them, but what a learning experience. This does not work, it doesn’t matter how much you love them or what you’re willing to sacrifice, people need to change on their own. The only possible way you’ll survive the experience is if you love them enough to let go of them forever.” — maoinhibitor

“He sucked the life out of me for years and ended up leaving for someone else. It never truly, deeply got better. Now I’m stuck in therapy where I will stay until I’m certain I won’t be someone else’s broken one.” — IzzieTheStrawberry

“I found out that he was a lot more broken than I initially thought. And when I came to terms with that, it got even worse. Seeing other people, secret OF account, crazy kinks, you name it. There came a time that I realized I had to choose between trying to save him, or save myself, and the latter seemed like a more reasonable option. Saving us was never going to be an option.” — LambLifts

“Remember, you don’t make the other person better; you make yourself worse.” — goffstock