1. Burned the House Down
Last year my psychotic mother burned down my childhood home (that her, my dad, my niece, my sibling, and siblings partner lived in) because she believed my dad was cheating on her, despite no evidence and this was not the first time she accused my dad of cheating with no evidence.
Effectively, she destroyed everything we had built and kept in that home, along with my dads dog and my sisters cat (cat was burned up, so never found; but the dog died of asphyxiation in my nieces room under her bed).
Then after the fire in what I can only construe as an act of desperation, she went to my bank and stole all of the money out of my accounts because she was secondary on the accounts (I was working on changing banks, but my new bank had yet to finalize the creation of my new account). Moral of the story is take your parents off your bank accounts when you turn 18.
She’s now serving time in a county jail for the arson because she took a plea deal and got a reduced sentence, which I still believe was utter crap. She played the poor old lady act to the judge and he took pity on her that she did not deserve.
This is the woman who eviscerated my self esteem and made my life hell ever since I was born. She was toxic and abusive, never told me the truth about anything, and is a greedy, manipulative person. I feel no shame in saying that I do not care about her. She’s lost any right to my love and respect.southpaw7writer
2. One of the First Computer Crimes
My father committed one of the first computer crimes in the 90s. A ton of files were corrupted due to a code he created because they fired him. FBI invaded our home and arrested him. Was sent to federal prison for four years, which was interesting because there was never a crime committed of its nature before. They made a forensics file episode about it
Edit: if anyone is curious, the company was Omega.drawing_a_blank1
3. Everyone Knew Tim and Tom
Twin brothers boosted a car and rob the 711 like 1/2 mile from house. Ditched car 10 houses from theirs. How were they caught?
Officers respond to alarm triggered by clerk. Officer: Got an alarm here what happened. Clerk: Tim and Tom came in and robbed the store. Officer: How do you know it was these guys? Clerk: They are 6′ 4″ twins who come in every day. I know their shape and voice.
The car 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency. Neighbor: Was watching TV and 2 guys park a car in front of my house. One guy got out with like a windex bottle and cleaned all the door handles and door areas. Then opened door and the other guy took the stuff and cleaned the inside areas. Then they ran off up the street. Dispatch: Can you describe the 2 individuals? Neighbor: Well it was Tim and Tom the twins that live up the street from me they’re like 6′ 4″ and they are twins.Dignans30yearplan
4. Blame the Alcohol
My brother got completely inebriated one night and stupidly drove home. He woke up early in the morning to the sound of a baby crying. He looked around and noticed he didn’t recognize the house. He quickly got up and walked outside to his car halfway in the driveway/street and still running. Got in his car and drove away as quickly as he could. Turns out it was some random house about 5-10 minutes away from our actual house. He never knew whose house it was and never got caught. He also slowed down his drinking after that.charmbomb_explosion
5. Grandma’s Got This
I always wonder how that happens to people. My grandma woke up one morning to a 20-something guy asleep on her couch. She heard someone in her house, and being who she is, she didn’t call the cops or anything, but mustered up all 100lbs of her 90-year old self and marched out to see what was going on. Upon seeing him, she said “hello! why are you in my house???” And he scuttled out but left his bag and phone. She said he was more frightened than she was, which then made her feel bad 😂
And again, being who she is, she spent the next week so worried about getting his things back to him without getting him into trouble.Zola_Rose
6. Trial by Fire
My mom set a dude on fire.
When I was young I had a babysitter, named Chris. He was the uncle of my two best friends, sisters Abby and Becca. He was also abusive. He liked to do things to me in front of them. Make them listen to my cry and scream. Nothing physical, I should mention. More, psychological.
Anyway, I didn’t tell anyone about it. (And in fact only learned this story about 2 years ago). But it turns out that my best friends did.
They told my mom and she was pissed.
Soon after that there’s a party at my friends parents house. My mom goes and sees Chris. He’s all nice to her. They’re outside in the backyard.
She starts kinda joking around. Roughhousing. Messing with him.
She grabs some lighter fluid and sprays some on Him.
Hahaha, just a joke.
She lights a match.
“Ha! You wouldn’t do it, would you?”
And she lights him on fire.
According to my mom, he was put out quickly so he was fine.
But she told him that’s what its like when you’re scared for your life. And then she left.
Apparently he flew back to Florida the next day.ashessnow
7. Stolen Cash to Buy a Gecko
Back in the mid 90s, I lived in a shared rented house in the north of England with 4 ex schoolmates. It was a bit of a drugs den, right next to the bus station so everyone called in on their way into town for a cup of tea and a spliff, and same again on the way out. So it was always rammed, lots of acid and mushrooms on weekends, people crashing everywhere.
One morning, me and my girlfriend were woken up by the police coming into my bedroom room (illegally – they claimed to have pushed the door and it swung open) and telling us all to gather in the front room. I had my skinning up box next to the bed – I assumed the police were there for drugs or course, so I hid my stash before I came down.
So we’re all sat in the lounge hungover and that, and the policeman says ‘So, who knows about the credit card?’ We all just went ‘wha?’ because it wasn’t what we were expecting, except one of my housemates stands up and says ‘no one else knows anything, it’s me’ and goes off with the police.
Turns out, a bank card had been delivered for a previous tenant, and then shortly after a new pin. My housemate had taken it, and emptied the account of a load of cash.
And what had he bought with his stolen cash? A gecko, in a big fancy glass cabinet. He was struggling to pay his rent – we all were – but here was this massive green mother sat sunning itself in our front room. All 6 or so of us just sat and looked at it as he was taken away.Danzarak
8. Fake Wedding Planner
My father, when I was still very young, used a fake name and pretended to be a wedding planner for a young couple. That young couple hired him, since he seemed trustworthy and is an excellent liar, giving him access to their savings for wedding supplies and such that would be needed.
Instead, he stole all of the money out of their account and then ran away with it. As far as I am aware, he was never caught and the money was never returned to them.
The worst part is that the poor couple never even got their wedding and had almost nothing left afterwards.Bananiguns
9. Grandma’s Accidents
My grandmother “accidentally” killed her second husband when he asked her to shut off the breaker while he did electrical work but she didn’t do it. She shot her daughter’s second husband in the back and claimed self defense. He was an abusive alcoholic cop. She got community service. She “forgot” to buckle in her brother, who had muscular dystrophy, and had a car wreck on her birthday. When he didn’t die, she used a rock to bash his head. Cops found the bloody rock but for some reason didn’t think the case was strong enough. She “accidentally” let her elderly charge drown in the bathtub when she was a home care nurse. The last one I know of, she suffocated her last elderly charge with a pillow. She was found incompetent to stand trial because she faked senility. That was 10 years ago. She’s now 88 and ignores all Covid-19 restrictions. She’s still driving even. So many men have proposed to her over the decades. They have no idea how lucky they are she said no.jane3ry3
10. Grandpa vs. The Train
My grandpa wouldn’t obey the train warnings. He would try and beat the train rather than wait.
1st time he got hit in his new convertible on the way to prom with my grandma. Had barely started on the payments and car was totalled. Luckily they were both okay.
2nd time was a little less reckless but still dumb. He was driving a semi and it broke down on the tracks. He kept trying to get the tractor trailer to start, rather than lose his rig and load. Semi got hit by the train, total loss and fucked up his back.brookepride
11. Stolen Bulldozer
My friend got blackout drunk and stole a bulldozer that had the keys left in it.
He turned it on and obviously didn’t know how to drive it so he just ended up making the scoopy part go up and down for a bit before the cops came.
They actually let him go too.datacollect_ct
12. Power of Attorney
A distant cousin got her terminally ill father to give her power of attorney and then stole all of his money so she wouldn’t have to split it with her brother. *Edit: Don’t worry, she did go to jail as her rush to clean him out involved a lot of fraud and forgery. *Edit 2: Man, it is slightly depressing how many of you have similar stories. What’s up with people.TheKodachromeMethod
13. Abusive Great Grandfather
My grandfather’s father was a mean, abusive, hateful drunk, who would come home from working in the mines long enough to terrorize his children and impregnate his wife and then leave again for mine work. He tried to set the house on fire, with wife and kids (13 of them) inside…twice. One day my grandfather and a couple of his siblings were picking berries across the road from the house and his drunk father started taking potshots at them with a rifle. My grandpa, one brother, and his oldest sister took off running for the house with the agreement that the first one there would kill him (their father). My grandpa’s sister got there first and shot him to death. She was never charged with a crime, due to her age and the fact that everyone knew my great grandfather was a mean son of a bitch and had it coming.flygirl083
14. Tragic Bar Fight
My dad got into a bar fight around 21 or so, hit a guy so hard he killed him. He went to prison of course but while working along the road he stopped another prisoner that attacked a guard and tried to escape. My dad was released for that. He never drank after that and if he got angry he just walked out of the house to cool off. He turned 81 a week ago and he’s the nicest, easiest going guy you would ever meet. He never judges anyone. He once said to me, we all make mistakes.CSTEA_rocks
*for the record I only heard the story about 10 ys ago from my brother. He told him during a road trip. He lived in a small town and I have no idea what prison he was at or the official reason he was released but considering it was probably around ‘61/‘62 – they probably used whatever reason they wanted to for his release. *edit – thanks for the award, wasn’t necessary but thanks.
15. Richest Kids in High School
I worked at a movie theatre when Back To The Future was originally released. We used to take the entire movie ticket instead of tearing them and re-sell them to the next group coming in. The old theatre was massive. Sat 600 people. We probably made about $15k between two of us in month or so. Adjusted for inflation, it’s about $37k. We were the richest high school kids in our town.frick-you-fricker
16. Bank Robbing Cousin
Cousin got busted robbing a bank. Got sentenced to jail. Proceeded to break out of jail with his cell mate and went on the run. Fast forward a few months and he’s living in a hotel room with his cell mate. Cell mate orders a pizza to the room (bad idea). Delivery guy recognized them and reported them to the police. They get arrested again and shortly after my cousin killed himself in prison. My cousin had a wife and a kid and got into a nasty coke habit. We don’t bring him up anymore.derpington62
17. A Game of Russian Roulette
Not sure if it should be considered a crime, but one of my great aunts was in an abusive marriage with a war vet who took to beating her and forcing her to play Russian roulette when he drank. One night she managed to rig the gun so when he took his turn he blew his brains out.
She wasn’t charged.sarawarawooo
18. Part of a Violent Gang
My uncle went to prison for chaining a cop to the back of his bike and driving down the highway
edit: I feel like an edit is needed here because I want to say I am not glorifying what my uncle did, I simply answered the question asked.Mr-Lunatik
This happened in the 1960s before I was born, so I do not have many details due to the timing and fact he married into the family (and that side of my family is not very close at all). What I do know is my uncle was apart of a very violent gang, I know nothing about what led to the attempted murder (yes, the cop survived somehow), so I do not know if the cop was good or bad. But, I do not believe very many people, if any, deserve to be tortured in such a manner (or any manner).
19. Drug Lord Uncle
My uncle was a small drug lord in Northern California in the 90s. He had a compound out in gold country, had to drive through 3 gates with guards to get to his house. I like never questioned it as a kid, just enjoyed heading up so I could fish in the stocked bass pond (which also had snapping turtles (as a line of defense)). He’d take me out shopping at the mall with a film canister full of coke that he’d take hits off of occasionally, shadowed by some bodyguards. One time we were out for a ride in his corvette going well over a hundred and got tagged by highway patrol. He talked his way out of the ticket (told the officer he was showing off for his nephew and got carried away, the officer thought it was hilarious), and told me it was lucky since he had a ton of illegal guns and drugs in the trunk and would have made a run for it.
He got arrested when I was 15. It was a full blown; Feds descended upon the compound in helicopters and swung through the windows with flashbangs. The whole nine. He was arrested, and since if he snitched on anyone above him he was, very bluntly, a dead man, he took the rap, was extradited to Lee in VA to serve a bit over 10 years. All he asked for while he was there was protein powder, he got prison ripped, and apparently beat someone near to death with a sock full of quarters for cutting in front of him at the payphone.
At some point in my life all 4 of my uncles on both sides (+ my dad) have spent time in prison for drug related offenses, but this particular uncle takes the cake.Fejsze
20. A Thief’s Corpse Being Stolen
There is a family legend about some great uncles of mine stealing their dad’s corpse from the funeral home. They went out to the woods with it and got drunk, then returned the body the next morning.
Edited to add: So I talked to my mom and I missed or misremembered some wonderful details. They broke into the funeral home by backing dad’s work truck through a wall. Dad was a professional burglar who would have appreciated the irony of a thief’s corpse being stolen, thought it was hilarious, and been proud his sons pulled the stunt off. They played a game of poker with dad’s body. And at some point they got caught because they attended the funeral the next day in handcuffs. My mom said that the father was apparently the one person in our family who never drank, so they weren’t going out to get drunk with dad one last time. The sons likely had a beer though.AffectionateEdge3068
21. Sign Stealing
My dad has this really weird habit of stealing signs which has manifested in a bizarre way twice. The first requires minor back story in that his family has lived in our small town since it was founded and as such, we have a street named after us. My dad insists that because the street sign has got his name on it, it’s technically his property so he annually steals it.
The second I’m not even quite sure how he pulled off… You know those GIANT highway signs that direct you to what lane you need to be in for your turn off? (Where I’m from they are huge and green) Some fucking how, this mad man has managed to get one into his shed overnight BY HIMSELF. This thing could easily weigh a literal ton, I’m so impressed. He’s also acquired other strange things such as a Ford factory sign (also one of the giant ones), several billboards, bull skulls, commemorative plaques, carousel horses, and a bunch of other misc. Whenever he runs out of space he just builds a new shed
He’s also not allowed in Canada but won’t tell me why.
Edit: remembered some more. He also makes couches out of abandoned cars and collects number plates from around the world. He’s got every American and Australian state – working on the rest.hetep-di-isfet
22. Sorry For Robbing the Bank
So before I was born my parents were apparently going through some tough financial issues and were facing eviction if they couldn’t come up with a certain amount of money by a certain date.
My father decided the best way to handle this situation would be to rob a bank.
So the story as I was told it goes like this… my father walked into a small bank with a ski mask on and his hand in his pocket. He went up to a teller and handed her a bag, telling her he was robbing the place, he had a gun and exactly how much money he wanted, which turned out to be exactly the amount he needed to avoid eviction.
He got the money, apologized to the teller and then left. He was never caught.
The next part of the story is a little weird and even I have a hard time believing it but I know my dad, he is no liar. Apparently a year or two later my dad went back to the same bank he robbed every day until he found the teller he robbed previously. He walked up without a mask and handed her an envelope and immediately left the area. In the envelope was the exact amount of money he stole and a note saying that the money was for the teller, a gift and how incredibly sorry he was for scaring her when he robbed the place. Again, he was never caught.
My father is a very honourable man who was raised in poverty on a Indian reservation. Because of the abuse he went through, both at home and at school (Residential schools have a bit of a history to them) he vowed that his kids would never have to go through what he did. I truly believe that robbing that bank was a result of that vow but emotionally hurting that woman at the bank really ate away at him so he risked getting arrested to try and make it right.
Edit: Guess I should have said this but he didn’t actually have a gun, he just told the teller he did. In reality his pocket was empty.TedTheodoreLogan3
23. Walmart Outlaw
Once I went into Walmart, and when nobody would come to the pet section I bagged my own feeder goldfish, labeled them with the correct price, paid, and went home. I’m basically an outlaw.Safe_T_Bitch
24. Duck in a KFC Box
My mom stole a duck from Centre Island in Toronto when she was a kid. She just put him into a KFC box and brought him home. She named him Jasper and he was apparently the best pet she ever had!__saoirse__
When I was 15 the bank foreclosed on our family home. My dad was pretty upset, so he (with the help of myself and my brothers) completely gutted the house. We took the ceiling fans, cabinets, all appliances, every bit of copper wire, the fireplace (a giant cast iron monster, wasn’t easy), front and back deck board-by-board, the banisters, anything that had any value whatsoever. We even took the water heater and sold it to the real estate agency that was selling the house, which they then had to re-install.
For the record, I’m not particularly proud of this, but I still tell the story quite a bit. I’m not sure how he got away with it either. Maybe it was because we still technically owned the house when we did it, or maybe they just couldn’t prove it was us.tillisoj