3 Concrete Signs He’s Not Your Twin Flame – He’s A Toxic Karmic Soulmate

You’ve met a person who seems like they’re your forever person, maybe even what spiritual communities call a “twin flame.” But here are three signs they’re actually a toxic “karmic soulmate.”

Twin flames are drastically different from karmic soulmates. In spiritual practices and communities, karmic soulmates are viewed as people from past lives we reincarnate with who we have “unfinished business” and energetic ties with. Spiritual philosophies claim that this is why our souls tend to “instantly” recognize them and gravitate toward them and why we may experience a mind-blowing chemistry with these people. While these types of relationships are said to bring with them powerful life lessons (such as lessons about elevating our self-worth and strengthening boundaries), they can turn destructive quickly. Regardless of what your beliefs are on the subject, it is important to distinguish between what could be a fulfilling relationship with a “divine counterpart” and a toxic one with a narcissist that people may label as a karmic soulmate. Here are three concrete signs you’re dealing with a toxic karmic partner:

The relationship is emotionally turbulent in way that leaves you exhausted, not nourished.

You may experience a deep “twin-flame” like connection with a karmic or narcissistic partner, but the relationship rarely works out long-term no matter how hard you try. You initially have an instantaneous connection that feels larger than life – yet you’ll find yourself breaking up and making up constantly. You’ll have sizzling physical chemistry, yet the emotional stability of the relationship will be chaotic and addictive. You’ll have intense, repetitive arguments that never seem to end. Your self-esteem will be diminished. You find yourself depleted by this relationship on a daily basis. Many people confuse enduring this pain and mistreatment as a sign that they are fighting for a love worth fighting for rather than holding on too tightly to what will destroy them. Instead of birthing self-destruction, a healthy partner will “awaken” more of your gifts and strengths – not your grief.  Instead of helping you fulfill your goals and mission like the way a true twin flame does, a toxic partner can keep you drained and constantly walking on eggshells – far too exhausted to even think about your greater purpose.

They mess with your head purposely and play mind games.

“Karmic” partners who have toxic traits tend to blow hot and cold to mess with you. In the beginning, they shower you with excessive attention and affection and dangle the carrot of a dream relationship – this is love bombing and future faking, not a true promise. They emotionally withhold from you. They gaslight you when you express your emotions. They stonewall you and give you the silent treatment when you’re trying to have a constructive discussion. This toxic partner manufactures arguments out of thin air, treats you with disrespect and contempt, neglects your needs, and makes you believe you’re asking for too much when you’re just asking for the bare minimum. The twin flame is famously said to have a “runner and chaser” dynamic, but this can be toxic if you are chasing someone who doesn’t actually exist and has presented you with a false image of themselves. 

One of the beliefs in the twin flame concept is that twin flames help “trigger” wounds, fears, and traumas, bringing them to the surface so we can finally heal them. There is a milestone in the twin flame journey known as “the dark night of the soul” – a final purification before “reunion” with the twin flame. If you’re dealing with a “karmic” or narcissistic partner, they will definitely bring up past wounds – but they will do so deliberately to antagonize you while creating new traumas. These toxic partners don’t help you “purge” your past traumas, fears, or insecurities like twin flames are said to do – they just add more of them – and the “dark night of the soul” lasts forever. The true healing begins once you’ve detached from this person. 

They have narcissistic tendencies and behaviors.

One of the most powerful ways you can decipher whether you’re in a toxic relationship rather than one with a twin flame or healthy partner is that they lack empathy for your emotions. They seem entitled to putting you down and demeaning you. They want to dim your light. They’re envious of your success and fail to give you the commitment and attention you deserve while exploiting you. On the other hand, twin flames will push you toward constructive growth in loving ways – you will find yourself motivated to become your most ideal self when you’re with them. A healthy partner or “twin flame” will bring you closer to what makes you feel most fulfilled and successful rather than deflated. They will push you toward your true mission in this life and will often co-create with you in changing the world and contributing to the greater good. Your twin flame will feel like a safe haven – a relationship with them will feel like you’ve finally come home after a long journey rather than navigating an alluring danger zone. Their love inspires you – it doesn’t tear you down. 

This article was first published in September 2023.