When you have chemistry with someone, you will feel it. You know, in your gut, that you have some undeniable connection with and attraction towards them.
Chemistry is an intense, energetic, gravitational pull towards someone we find attractive. It’s infatuation for either their looks or the fantasy of being physically and emotionally intimate with someone.
There are a number of signs of chemistry: eye contact, nervous excitement, laughing, good communication, natural body language, and sexual tension. However, there are some signs of chemistry that are often confused with love:
According to psychologists, mirroring is a sign of chemistry. It’s synchronicity. It’s subtle mimicry through speech patterns (tone and rhythm of voice), postures, and gestures.
There’s also something to be said about “mirrored souls”, or, twin flames. A twin flame connection is the strongest and most influential relationship we will have in our lifetime. Your twin flame is supposed to teach you something, to challenge you, to guide you through the deepest and most feared parts of yourself. That’s why they call them a mirrored soul, because they are a mirror of you, forcing you to look at the parts of you that you’ve hidden away.
If there’s palpable sexual tension between the two of you, like with intense eye contact and subtle touches, it’s a good sign that there’s chemistry. However, sexual tension ≠ love. Sexual tension = chemistry and lust.
There is a difference between love and lust. According to social psychologist Elaine Hatfield, there are two types of love: passionate and companionate. “Passionate love starts with intense emotions and sexual attraction. Companionate love is based more on mutual respect, caring, affection, and trust.”
Passionate love is lust. It’s sexual tension. It’s chemistry. Not true, companionship, romantic love.
It is believed that the “butterflies in your stomach” gushy feeling is an indicator that you have found The One. However, according to psychologists, that feeling comes from the same part of our brain responsible for registering threats and fear. In other words, it’s not necessarily a good thing that you feel butterflies in your stomach. In fact, it would be better to not feel that at all — when it’s love, you should feel calm, safe, and grounded. This feeling of nervous excitement can indicate that there is some kind of chemistry, anticipation, and tension there, but it’s not necessarily love.
Remember: you can have chemistry with someone without love, but you cannot have love without chemistry. Strong chemistry does not equal love.