Why, it seems as if it was only a year ago that summer was starting, and here we are again! Three straight months of hot days, cool beaches, endless sunshine, shameless displays of flesh that had been cloaked from public view since last September, and an air of mischief and mystery that begs you to go out into the night chasing fun like a stray cat hunting for mice.
Summer is the time to socialize, to run away from work and stress, and to seek out as much trouble as you can handle without it becoming more trouble than it’s worth.
The problem is, some people can’t draw the line between having a great time and causing themselves (and those around them) a giant nuisance. These are the zodiac signs where the stars will align this summer to make sure they have at least one hangover and one police citation.
The Archer reaches into their quiver, grabs an arrow, places it in the bow, pulls back the string, and takes 12 straight tequila shots. Then they start kissing the person next to them. And hugging them. And telling them how much they love them. And dancing with them. And sharing their deepest personal secrets, including what they never liked about their parents, what kind of plastic surgery they’d get if they had an extra $50,000, that weird thing they once did at summer camp when they thought no one was looking, what they’d do if they only had one month to live, and their PIN number. And then the person next to them, who they only met five minutes ago, says, “Lemme guess—you’re a Sagittarius?”
Since the Twins are the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the zodiac, they are the most likely to wake up after an all-night binge, look out the window, and wonder, “Isn’t my radiator supposed to be underneath my hood rather than on top of it? And I don’t remember my windshield being covered in what looks like guacamole when I was headed to that birthday party last night. Then again, I remember heading to that party, but I don’t remember leaving it or coming back. And who’s this girl sleeping on the couch? Why is she naked? Wait a minute—why am I naked and covered in bite marks?”
Ain’t no party like an Aries party. The party starts the minute the Ram strolls in through the door like a member of the glitterati sashaying down the red carpet at the Oscars. Nose high in the air, they’ll take a bite of this, a sip of that, possibly a puff of that other thing, and maybe even a snort of something else. Once they’ve had a bellyful of fun, the party ends the moment the Ram drunkenly stumbles and crashes through the door on their way out, making mumbled threats about how they’re going to sue everyone involved.
Heart of a Lion? Check. Heat of a fire sign? Check. Ruled by the sun? Check. Mars in their sign throughout all of June, giving them extra energy to drink and smoke and love everyone else under the table? Checkmate. Leo should pay special attention to June 21, the summer solstice, longest day of the year, when the sun hangs directly over the Tropic of Cancer. They should pay extra-special-super attention to any Cancers who are within arm’s reach of them. That person will be their celestial playmate. They should grab them by the hand, abandon all sense of responsibility, restraint, decency, and inhibition, and run blindly with them out into the wild, wild summer night. They should also be careful to look out for traffic and make sure they have a good lawyer.