Inga Seliverstova

5 Concrete Signs You Need To Let Go Of Your Situationship

Situationships have become extremely prevalent, which honestly makes a lot of sense. After all, we’re navigating a dating culture that prioritizes being chill over being real. No one wants to commit right away (or at all) anymore. While there are many reasons for this, be it fear of settling down, the belief someone better could always come along, or otherwise, the outcome of modern dating is the same across the board: We’re lonely but too damn proud to admit or do anything about it. And sometimes, this means settling for situationships in hopes they will become the real thing or, at the very least, make us feel a little less alone.

So we tell ourselves we’re fine. We convince ourselves that this situationship we’re in is better than having no one at all. We ignore our intuition. We deny what we want in favor of instant gratification. And sometimes, we end up falling for someone who isn’t there to catch us. And it hurts.

Situationships almost always have an expiration date. That said, it can still be hard to know when to say when, especially if you’re developed strong feelings for the other person. Because despite the fact you’re not “official,” your feelings are still very real. But with strong feelings often comes confusion.

If you’re struggling to know how to proceed with your situationship, here are five signs it’s absolutely time to let go.

They told you that they didn’t want a relationship currently (but you’re ready for one right now).

If you are ready to date seriously but your situationship says something like they don’t want a relationship “right now,” these are incompatible wants and needs. Don’t settle for less than what you’re looking for. And, frankly, what they really mean is that they don’t want a relationship with you. If they did, they wouldn’t risk losing you by delaying committing.

They haven’t introduced you to their friends.

If they haven’t introduced you to their friends, this shows they most likely don’t see you as someone in their life long-term. If someone is excited and feels strongly about you, they’d want their friends to meet you. They’d want you to start coming to their group outings so you could all bond and everyone could get to know one another. If they keep you separate, it’s because they’re not incorporating you into their life.

Your feelings for them are holding you back from pursuing other people.

Even though you haven’t defined the relationship and are free to date other people, you haven’t even considered seeing anyone else because you feel an emotional attachment to your situationship. The thought of even swiping on Hinge makes you feel disloyal. You fell for them and you don’t want to risk “screwing” it up by going out with someone new.

Here’s the thing though: You can’t screw up what was never going to be. It’s not fair to yourself to stay wrapped up in someone who won’t even call you their partner. If you’re single, you’re allowed to act like it.

It’s been three months or more.

Three months is more than enough time to know if you want to commit to someone else. You have an idea of who each other is at this point. If they still “don’t know” what they want or what they’re looking for, it’s in your best interests to walk away. Indecision is a decision.

You feel good when you’re with them. You feel anxious when you’re not.

When you’re together, things are amazing and fun. But when you’re apart, you fall to pieces because you’re never sure if that was the last time you’d see them.

You constantly overthink every single interaction. Every text, call, and hangout live rent-free in your head. It’s not healthy for you to live this way. Someone worth your time will not bring you more calamity. They will feel safe. They will feel calm. They will feel like coming home.