5 Concrete Signs You’re Terrified Of Intimacy
Intimacy is a feeling of profound closeness and connection to another person. Intimacy is mutually showing up in a relationship in an authentic, imperfect, and deeply human way. Intimacy can be sexual, emotional, intellectual, experiential, and/or spiritual.
To truly foster intimate connections means being vulnerable, and this can be incredibly scary for some people. For those who fear intimacy, the thought of letting others in may even be excruciating, so much so that they avoid trying to make meaningful relationships altogether.
If you are wondering if you are afraid of intimacy, this article is for you.
1. You struggle with low self-esteem.
When you have a fear of intimacy, you often have low self-esteem as well. Having a low opinion of yourself and lacking confidence makes it very difficult to get close to others in a truly meaningful way, usually because you assume you will be rejected or abandoned in the end. You may even believe you aren’t worth loving, so you don’t even bother trying to get close to others. You don’t see the point.
2. You sabotage your relationships.
Whenever you sense the urge to get closer to someone, or sense that they want to bridge closeness with you, do you have a knee jerk reaction to abandon ship pretty much immediately? This is a tell-tale sign of having intimacy issues. Other forms of sabotage within the context of a relationship include picking fights, hunting for issues in the other person, finding “fatal flaws” within the relationship, etc.
3. You have perfectionist tendencies.
If you’re terrified intimacy, you may have a very tough time with perfectionism. Perfectionism presents in a number of ways, but within relationships, it usually shows up as people pleasing.
If you weren’t afraid of intimacy, you wouldn’t be scared of making mistakes because you would understand that no one has to be perfect in order to be loved.
4. You live in a constant state of distraction.
Distraction looks a number of different ways. It can be as simple as constantly scrolling on your phone when you’re with others or it could be making yourself so busy at work that you don’t have time to see anyone else. Distraction is a sign you’re struggling with intimacy because it is a means of avoiding connecting with others on a deeper level.
5. You have major trust issues.
For example, you never reveal your true feelings or discuss insecurities with someone else because you could see these vulnerabilities being used against you later on. You claim you would rather be alone than open up and share your innermost world, but if you’re actually being honest with yourself, you’re pretty dang lonely, too.
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Having a fear of intimacy is more common than you may think and you are not alone. Talking to a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial in helping you cope and heal.