6 Concrete Signs They’re Your Ex For A Reason (So Don’t Take Them Back)

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to reflect on or even second-guess the reasons behind the breakup. It’s natural to miss them. It’s natural to want them back.

For some, it really is the end and it needs to be the end. You need to stop forcing the relationship and let go.

Every relationship and every breakup is unique, but here are a few common, concrete signs that your ex is an ex for a reason:

Incompatibility

In some instances, opposites do attract. Different personalities do work for certain relationships — but not always.

Incompatibility is more than just one partner liking superhero movies and the other partner not liking movies at all. It’s more than just one partner who is active on social media and the other who isn’t. It’s about having significant differences in values, goals, and interests. It’s about not being on the same page about things, so much so that it’s difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. If there were constant conflicts and disagreements because of your differences, then it’s a solid sign you were just incompatible.

Communication problems

Effective communication is crucial for a healthy, successful relationship. Maybe you and your ex struggled to communicate often, honestly, and respectfully. Maybe you found it easy to be vulnerable and talk about your feelings whereas they didn’t. Maybe they kept secrets and were never honest with you. No matter the situation, there were misunderstandings and resentment. You two were just never on the same page.

Trust issues

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It’s a bare minimum need that, for some, can be hard to sustain. If your ex constantly lied or cheated or you always had a gut feeling they were keeping something from you, you probably had trust issues. Trust is a really hard thing to rebuild after it’s been broken.

Lack of support

A healthy relationship involves supporting and uplifting each other. Your partner should provide emotional support for you when needed. They should uplift you, inspire you, and motivate you when you need it.

Emotional or physical abuse

Abuse of any kind — emotional, verbal, or physical — is never acceptable in a relationship. If you’ve been in this kind of relationship, please know that it was not your fault. Leaving the relationship was the right decision. Do not go back to them — they are not a safe space for you. They are not your home. No matter how convincing they might be, you are worthy of so much more love, respect, and grace and you can find that within yourself and from other, genuine people.

Different life priorities

Maybe one partner doesn’t want to do long distance anymore. Maybe one partner realizes that maybe they’re not ready for a relationship because they have a lot of inner work and growth to do. Maybe one partner wants kids and the other doesn’t. Whatever the situation or reason — if two people in a relationship have fundamental life goals or priorities, it can create significant challenges and often an inevitable ending of the relationship.