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6 Things We Do Instead Of Setting Boundaries (And How We Can Do Better)
Setting boundaries is crucial for any relationship you have in your life, no matter if it’s romantic partners, friends, or family members. Boundaries keep things healthy and safe. Not setting boundaries can lead to serious problems and strains in a relationship, including anxiety, stress, burnout, and so much more.
These are some things you need to stop doing to set boundaries instead:
Overcommitting
You take on responsibilities and tasks as a means of pleasing others and not wanting to disappoint them. You want them to believe you’re capable of juggling everything. You’re smart enough, strong enough, talented enough.
But be honest, you feel overwhelmed right? You’re stretched too thin? Don’t bite off more than you can chew. You are only human and there’s only so much you can handle.
Avoiding conflict
People tend to avoid conflict because it’s easier and it’s a means of keeping the peace. They don’t want to rock the boat. However, avoiding conflict can ultimately create a buildup of resentment and frustration over time. You can’t avoid confrontation and difficult conversations forever — that’s just not how life works.
It’s okay to express your needs and share your limits. It’s okay to speak up and maybe be assertive about how someone makes you feel.
People-pleasing
People-pleasing is a difficult behavior for people to break. I’m guilty of it myself! People-pleasing is about putting others’ needs and desires before your own. You do this as a means of wanting to gain the respect and approval of others, as validation.
If you’re exhausted trying to make sure everyone else is happy and you don’t really know the difference between what you want and don’t want, then maybe you need to stop with the people-pleasing tendencies and start setting boundaries instead.
Sacrificing self-care
When you don’t set boundaries, you tend to neglect your own needs. You allow yourself to become an afterthought. Neglecting your emotional and physical well-being, your desires, and your needs can become detrimental, so it’s important to take time off. Personal time is important. Remember: self-love and self-care are not selfish.
Allowing others to disrespect your boundaries
When you neglect your own needs and don’t make clear boundaries, you are ultimately disrespecting yourself, and with that, you are creating the space for others to disrespect you.
If you don’t set clear boundaries, people may take advantage of you, either unintentionally or deliberately. They don’t look at your personal space, time, or emotional well-being as something important because you don’t look at it or treat it as such. Failing to assert yourself can lead to a lot of self-doubts, shattered self-worth, and resentment towards others — and yourself.
Constantly being available
At this point, being on our phones is unavoidable. Our phones are attached to us and we are always accessible to others, responding to messages, emails, calls, and comments. By creating the expectation that you’re available and responsive 24/7, you can become overwhelmed, drained, or burnt out. This is why so many people take time off from social media or take a break from using their phones altogether. Stop being constantly available. Start setting boundaries instead.