7 Concrete Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex (Even If You Say You Are)

Here are seven concrete signs you’re not over your ex (even if you say you are).

1. You haven’t unfollowed them on socials yet.

Not only that, you may find yourself checking their profiles often. You might even go as far to snoop through their follower and following lists to try to figure out if they’re seeing someone new. Every new name you don’t recognize in their followers feels like a threat because you are afraid that they could be a new love interest. If you were actually over your ex, you would not feel so worried about them dating someone else. Because why would that matter? Exactly.

2. You flinch when you hear their name in conversation.

Even if it’s about someone who just happens to have the same name as them. You don’t want to be reminded of them in any way because it hurts too much.

3. You go on dates (but just compare them to your ex the entire time).

Sure, you go on dates. You are active on dating apps, and have even perfected your dating app profiles. But every person you go out with never feels “right.”

4. You haven’t given their stuff back yet.

Or gotten rid of old gifts or mementos they gave to you. You still feel a sense of attachment to these items. They make you feel sentimental. And, if you’re being honest, there is a small, hidden piece of you hoping that maybe it will make sense one day that you held on to them.

5. You’re bitter about love and relationships.

Seeing couples holding hands on the street makes you nauseous. Love songs make you aggressive. You keep saying the phrase “Love is dead” whenever you get an opportunity to do so.

If you were actually healed from your breakup, you wouldn’t be so bitter about love. This shows that you are still holding onto hurt from your ex, pain you need to resolve in order to move on.

6. You are going out of your way to show everyone in your life how “fine” you are.

Because you really are FINE. You’re going on dates, aren’t you? You’ve gone no contact with your ex, haven’t you? You’re throwing yourself into work, right? Can’t everyone just see how well you’re doing?! But the truth is that you’re simply overcompensating for how heartbroken you really feel. You don’t want anyone to know how deep the ache goes.

7. You’re hyper-focused on being the one to move on first.

Basically, you are determined to “win the breakup.” You want to get back at your ex and show them that you’re still someone worth loving, worth committing to. You want to prove them wrong and make them regret losing you.

The fact you’re hyper-fixating on moving on at all shows that you are still in the process of moving on. And, FYI, trying to get back at your ex by letting go first or making them feel bad about the breakup isn’t the empowering move you think it is. It just gives the heartbreak more power.

If you truly want to get over your ex, you need do so for you. To move forward for you. To let them go for you. And sometimes, this means admitting you’re not over them yet and need support. But that’s okay. After all, you need to feel to heal.