Whenever you’ve thought about the kind of relationship you want, you’ve likely pictured a romance where both of you are so head-over-heels madly in love with each other that you couldn’t picture life apart. And it’s true, those relationships exist. Unfortunately, the more common result of a pairing is that one person is way more into it than the other. It doesn’t always start that way, either. Truth is, an unbalanced relationship is good for no one. But how will you know if it’s lopsided? It’s time to look for the signs.
1. You’re texting so much more often than they are.
You’re always leading the conversations. You ask them questions, but they never seem to do the same to you. It almost feels like you’re interviewing them for a talk show. Even your IRL conversations feel lopsided. And you feel so insecure about the silences that you fill them in any way you can. It’s honestly not a great feeling.
2. You’re always the one initiating conversations.
Go back through your texts and see who’s the one initiating all the conversations. It’s normal for one person to do this more than the other just because of differences in communication styles, but if it’s always you? That’s not a good sign.
3. You do all the planning and they just show up.
Every date you’ve had–especially the exciting ones that don’t just involve sitting at a coffee shop–have been your idea. You were the one who suggested the date, who planned out the when and where. And your partner? All they do is show up. If you’re not putting in equal effort, that’s a big clue that they don’t feel the same way about you as you feel about them.
4. You can never seem to shake the feeling of insecurity.
Are you always on edge? Are you always wondering if they really like you? That kind of uncertainty is normal in the very beginning of a relationship, but it shouldn’t persist past the third date. If you’re months in and you still feel unsure of their feelings, this might not be a “you” problem. It could be your gut instincts telling you something you might not want to hear.
5. You’ve been called “needy.”
And you didn’t even feel like you were being too much. When you’re more invested in a relationship than the other person, they’ll find even the littlest things to be too “needy.” Of course, this contributes to that feeling of insecurity, too. If they’re not into this like you are, everything you do will feel like too much. Best find someone who likes you the same way.
6. You’re always catering to their needs and comfort…
…and don’t get the same courtesy in return. You know their likes and dislikes, you know what they need and want in a relationship. And so you spend your time giving them what they want. But ask yourself this: Are they doing the same for you? If not, you’ve been spending all your time on them, and no one is caring what you want or need. That’s unacceptable.
7. You suspect that if you never texted them again, they’d never even notice.
If you’ve made it to the end of this list and you’re starting to think that your relationship is truly unbalanced, you could always use this as an experiment. Don’t text them tomorrow. In fact, don’t initiate a text conversation for as long as possible. How long does it take for them to get back to you? This is about to give you a ton of clarity. And when you get that clarity, make a tough decision that’ll ultimately help you in the long run: Kick them to the curb.