Thought Catalog Agency

9 Concrete Signs You’re Being Love Bombed (And Need To Get Out Now)

Everything seemed so perfect at first. The beginning of your relationship was like a whirlwind, a fairytale. But every time your partner exhibits troubling behavior, they remind you of how well they treat you, hoping that will absolve them. The highs are high and the lows are incredibly low. It sounds like you’re a victim of love bombing. It’s an insidious way that abusers manipulate their partners–and you might not recognize it right away. Don’t be fooled: This person is dangerous. If you’re being love-bombed, it’s time to get the help of some trusted people in your life to move on from this toxic person. If you’re not sure of the signs of love bombing, read on.

The beginning was like a fairytale.

They said all the right things, and boy did it feel good. They swept you off your feet, gave you the attention you always longed for, and weren’t afraid to show you how much they like you. We’re talking gifts, “good morning” texts, and tons of PDA. This on its own isn’t so bad, but when it’s just one part of the cycle of abuse, it’s a red flag. This is the epitome of the love-bombing phase.

They’re moving too fast.

It’s been a whirlwind. Even though you only had your first date a few weeks ago, they already want to go official. They’re planning on meeting your family, they talk of moving in together. Their eyes are on a detailed future, and you’re in it. If there’s that little voice inside that’s telling you that they’re moving too fast, listen to your gut.

They never leave you alone.

They’re constantly texting and face-timing you. They want to come with you on the littlest errands. You say you’re having a girl’s night and they insist on attending. The best relationships include time to yourself or time with your friends without your partner. While it can seem sweet that they “can’t get enough of you,” it’s a serious red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.

You feel yourself bending on your opinions, beliefs, and desires.

At first, the pressure they use will be small–barely noticeable. They’ll use all they do for you as a reason why you should bend on your boundaries. You owe them, according to them. They bought you that necklace you love–the least you could do is cancel your girl’s trip to spend time with them. If this sounds in any way familiar, run.

They wouldn’t let you forget all the good they’ve done.

It’s one thing to do something nice for someone. That’s not an inherently bad thing. But when they use it to get something out of you, then you have a problem. All that love bombing came with strings. Now you can’t complain about anything they do because they’ll bring up how good they’ve treated you. They’ll act as if they’re absolved of all sin just because they took you on vacation. Love shouldn’t be transactional.

They want to be your only focus of attention.

According to them, you should only have eyes for them. It’ll start with them convincing you to get rid of any friends who may have feelings for you (however misguided that idea may be.) Then they’ll get pouty when you see friends or family without them. Even looking at your phone or reading a book will make them pout and use passive-aggression to make you stop. They’re isolating you–a common tactic in the cycle of abuse. It’s a lot easier to treat you badly if there’s no one in your life to tell you what they’re doing is wrong.

They find ways to punish you.

Here’s where the most obvious signs of abuse come in. They’ll find the most effective way to punish any perceived slight on your part. It could be the silent treatment, passive-aggression, berating, or physical abuse. And if you complain, they’ll remind you of all they’ve done for you. They’ll spin it like the treatment you’re getting now is a direct result of something you’ve done. They say it’s your fault they’re acting out, but here’s something you should know: There’s never a good reason for how they’re treating you. It’s never okay.

The highs are high and the lows are incredibly low.

A great way to see that you’re living through a love bombing is how extreme either end can be. When it’s good, oh my god it’s amazing. You feel so loved. They really show you how much they care. But when it’s bad? You’ve never felt more terrible. This isn’t normal. That’s not how healthy relationships work.

They tell you you could never do better than them.

If they get even a whisper of an idea that you might want to leave them, they’ll start to whittle at your self-esteem. They’ll tell you that you could never do any better than them. That without them, you’d probably die alone. Don’t let what they’re saying keep you from getting away. Truth is, there are SO many people who will treat you better than them. And even if there isn’t, it’s better to be alone than with someone so abusive.