6 Concrete Signs You’re Too Emotionally Guarded In Your Relationships

It makes sense to keep your guard high, especially when you’ve been hurt in the past. But you don’t want to push the right person away because you’re scared of getting hurt again. You don’t want to hold back from showing your person every single side of you or else you’re never going to know each other intimately. Here are the concrete signs your guard is too high in relationships:

You make jokes whenever they try to have a serious, deep conversation with you.

Instead of opening up to your partner about your hopes and fears, and confiding in them when something is on your mind, you respond to their questions with joke answers and sarcasm and try to change the subject. You never breach serious topics with them because you prefer to keep the mood lighthearted. But in a serious relationship, it can’t always be fun and games. You have to have tough conversations sometimes.

You have a backup plan ready to go.

Even though you like the person you’re currently dating, there’s another person you’re talking to (AKA stringing along) in case this relationship goes sour. Knowing you have other options might make you more comfortable with the possibility of a breakup, but it means you have one foot out the door. And this isn’t fair to your partner. If you’re going to commit to them, you need to be focused on them and only them.

You act like you’re unbothered by things they do that definitely bother you.

You pretend everything is fine instead of admitting when something is bothering you because you don’t want to cause any trouble or come across as clingy or overdramatic. But if you never tell your partner what’s wrong, they probably won’t figure it out. The problem will persist, even though you could have solved it with a simple conversation.

You avoid hanging out with them too much because you’re worried about getting too attached to them.

You accidentally send mixed signals because you pull them close, then push them away. They are never sure where you stand because your intentions aren’t obvious. Since you want to get close to them but not too close to them, sometimes you seem interested and other times you seem like you couldn’t care less about them, which is super confusing from their end.

You never cry or get emotional in front of your person.

You should feel comfortable enough with your partner to open up to them emotionally. You should trust them to listen to how you’re feeling and comfort you until you feel okay again. It might be awkward and uncomfortable to share so much of yourself at first, but if they’re the right one for you, you’ll trust them enough to show them every side of you, not only the pretty ones.

You’re holding back bits and pieces of your past from them.

You don’t owe anyone your full history. But if you want a serious relationship with someone, you need to trust them not to judge you over your past. You need to give them the full picture of who you were and who you are becoming. You shouldn’t feel the need to keep any secrets, no matter how big or small.