Concrete Signs You’re Only In A Relationship Rut (And Don’t Need To Break Up)

Sometimes, you’ll reach a stage in your long-term relationship where you’re unsure whether you should break up or stay together. Maybe you aren’t a great fit now that you’ve grown and changed. Or maybe you’re simply in a rut and are going to get through this with a little bit of effort. Here are some signs it’s only the latter:

You feel like you’ve run out of fun, exciting things to do together.

When you’re dating someone for a while, it’s natural to feel like you’ve already done it all. But there are so many new experiences you can try together. Instead of going to the same restaurants and movie theater every week, or staying home and hanging out one-on-one, challenge yourselves to try something new. Go to a rock-climbing gym. An escape room. A drunken paint night. A mixology class. Dance lessons. There are so many new ways to bond if you’re both willing to step outside of your comfort zones and try something new.

You feel like you’re only going through the motions every single day.

When you’ve been dating for years and years, saying those three little words and hugging and kissing might feel mechanical, like you’re doing what’s expected of you instead of what you actually want to do. Which is why you need to break up the routine in any way possible. Make out in a different room of the house than you usually do. Eat a meal at the park instead of in your kitchen. Watch a movie under the stars instead of in your living room. Change the scenery and see if it changes the experience.

You feel emotionally disconnected from them (but it’s not their fault).

There’s a difference between feeling disconnected from your partner because they aren’t interested in providing what you need — and feeling disconnected from them because you’re both so busy and stressed and haven’t had much time to spend together. It it’s the latter, then all you need to do is set aside time for each other. And only each other. No staring at phones. No watching television. You need to eat a meal or engage in an activity where you’re given the space to talk about whatever your heart desires. And try not to make it about work. Try to have those silly, random conversations you used to when you first started dating.

You feel unsatisfied in a certain area of the relationship.

If you love each other, respect each other, and want the same type of future, then there’s a chance you can solve whatever problem you’re facing. But it requires honesty. You need to communicate what you want in order to fix the situation at hand. Sit down and write out all the things you want from the relationship that you’re not getting, and try to communicate them to your partner in a mature, respectful way. Then ask your partner to do the same. After all, they won’t be able to satisfy you if they don’t know what you want. You need to be real about your expectations. And if they can’t rise to your standards, it’s okay to walk away.