Do These 6 Things Before You Start Dating Again

You’ve been single for a while. It could be just a few months or even a few years. Either way, you’re finally feeling ready to move on and start dating again. Before you do, make it the best possible reentry into dating again by doing these six things.

Take a breath in your singlehood.

If all goes according to plan, you won’t be single for much longer. Before you commit to dating again, savor what you have in your singlehood. There’s something freeing about being tied to no one, to being so fully in charge of your life. Before you fill this space with someone new, expand to fill it yourself. If you’re struggling with this one, take a solo trip to a breathtaking destination nearby. Sit by yourself on the beach, hike through a flowery meadow. Savor it.

Celebrate that you were alone.

Repeat after me: There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Rather than moving forward exasperated with being single, appreciate that you were alone. You didn’t flit from one relationship to another without a break. You stopped to focus on you. You didn’t settle for a bad relationship just to avoid loneliness. Don’t let anyone in your life make you feel bad that you were relationship-free, even if that time spanned years. This is the best way to move forward with a good attitude, rather than an unfortunate air of desperation.

Remember your past mistakes.

Don’t dwell on the past, but don’t forget it either. Every relationship is an opportunity to learn. You learn better what you want and what kind of behavior you won’t put up with again. You become stronger in your desire for new and better experiences. Don’t let history repeat itself unless it’s something you want to experience again. If you’re not sure what went wrong, you can always ask your most trusted and respected friends where you went wrong. Just be prepared to learn some harsh truths.

Let the others go.

Have you benched someone? Maybe you’re holding out hope that an ex wants to get back together. Consider this new dating experience a fresh start. Be done with the people of the past. If they weren’t good enough to be with you right now, they aren’t going to be good enough moving forward.

Make sure you’re ready.

Why do you want to start dating again? What are your motivations? If it’s just because you don’t want to be left behind while all your friends get married, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Are you ready to be present for your future partner? Are you able to weed out bad people? Are you coming to this as a full person not needing to be “saved.” Then it sounds like it’s time. If not, take more time to be single until you know you’re ready for it. And you can always talk to a professional if you need help parsing through your concerns. There’s no shame in getting therapy.

Go forward fresh and unencumbered.

We’re the sum of all of our experiences, but that doesn’t mean you should let your past weigh you down. Enter this new phase fresh and whole. You’ll give you–and anyone you may date in the coming months–a light and bright dating experience. And really, isn’t that what we all want?