Having Needs Doesn’t Make You Needy (So Stop Apologizing)

If you’ve ever been told that you’re “needy,” that has likely stuck with you ever since. You’re now hyper aware of how you might come across to the people in your life. You’re worried that you could be coming off as needy any time you ask for anything, so you overcompensate by never needing anything at all. But guess what? Having needs doesn’t make you needy.

What does it mean to be needy? Usually you hear this hurtful word when you’re coming on too strong, when you’re asking for more than someone is willing to give. And rather than discussing the root of the problem, you’re labeled as “needy” and now need to adjust how you’ve been acting. All you did was ask for more prompt texts. Or you asked to define the relationship. Or you wondered how your person feels about you.

“Neediness” also shows up when you’re in an unbalanced relationship–whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship. It turns out that you’re way more into this person than they are into you. So even normal interactions feel like “too much” for them.

And so, you overcorrect. You’re so afraid to come across as needy that you set aside your needs entirely. You focus all your attention on someone else’s needs while your own fester and die from lack of attention.

Here’s the thing: The fear of being seen as needy isn’t doing you any good. It’s only holding you back. Psychology Today says:

Fearing rejection or being shamed as needy, we may rarely show our needs–or even acknowledge them to ourselves. But perhaps what we judge as “neediness” is merely a legitimate need for contact.

Psychology Today

Everyone has needs. It isn’t a bad thing. So stop apologizing for having them. Be clear with what you want. Pull the focus. Be as equally present in your relationships as others. And if the people you surround yourself with want their needs met but refuse to consider yours, it might be time to cull your friends list.

Having needs doesn’t make you needy. It doesn’t make you annoying. It doesn’t make you any less of a valuable partner or friend.

Having needs is healthy. Expressing them honestly and openly is healthy, too. Having needs and working to have them fulfilled, whether by you or through the help of others, is the only way to have an amazing life.

Go off and express your needs, you gorgeous human.