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How Upset You Were At The Taylor Swift/Matty Healy Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Just as quickly as they started up, the confusing relationship between American royalty Taylor Swift and crusty British lead of The 1975 Matty Healy has ended. If you’re anywhere near social media right now, there was no way around the news. But what was your reaction to this monumental–to some–revelation? Peep your zodiac sign below to see how you’re handling T-Swift’s latest breakup.


You love when bad things happen to people you don’t like. You live for it, honestly. So even if you normally don’t care much about pop culture drama, the idea of Matty Healy getting dumped so quickly is like a salve to your drama-quenched heart.


You don’t much care about what’s going on. In fact, this might be the first you’re hearing about any of this, so welcome to today’s celeb gossip, Taurus. Though now that you know, you’re probably just hoping that Taylor comes out of this unscathed. That’s sweet of you.


You’ve already got the carboard, markers, and inordinate amount of glitter ready to make a sign about this to wave at Taylor Swift when you see her in concert soon. Maybe something like: “HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU GIRL.” But incorporating Taylor Swift lyrics, of course.


You’re poring over fan cam TikToks of the last few Taylor Swift concerts with all the rest of the mildly whack-a-doo conspiracy theorists. Every little move or hand gesture and you’re sure you know exactly how she’s feeling. (Because you can totally read her mind, right Cancer?)


You can’t help but think what you would have done if you were Taylor. How would you have released the breakup news if you were in her shoes? I guess we’ll all just have to wait until you’re a 12-time Grammy Award winner to find out.


You wish you had time to care. But there are chores to do. And errands to run. (Though, if you’re being honest, you’re kind of glad they broke up. Matty Healy was a really weird choice. But you don’t actually care! Nope, not at all.)


Your heart is breaking for Taylor. First the Joe Alwyn breakup and now this? You can’t help but think of your recent breakups, and oops, there go those tears again…


You say you don’t care about any of this, but you secretly live for the drama. And if you’re judging everyone else for caring about Taylor Swift’s love life, you’re probably judging yourself the harshest.


“Wait, what happened to her and Joe Alwyn?!”


You’ve got your pitchforks ready any time someone so much looks at Taylor Swift wrong. You’re the bestie who goes scorched earth on your friend’s exes, even if they didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. You don’t care why they broke up (well, you sort of do), but Matty Healy is going down.


“Matty who? Healy what?”


It’s not that you’re not happy. You just want ALL THE DETAILS. Right now. You want Taylor’s bestie Abigail Berard’s opinion. You want paparazzi photos of Matty Healy crying into a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. You want a dramatic reunion and subsequent wedding between Taylor and Joe Alwyn. And you want it all right now.