We all want a deep emotional connection, but what kind you want often depends on your upbringing. Do you need someone who gives all of their attention to you? Someone self-sufficient? Someone who feels like an equal partner? Look below for your birth order and see what kind of romantic connection you secretly crave.
Although you want a lot of things when it comes to your perfect partner, you might not easily admit that you crave someone who will fill the “my partner is my best friend” cliché. You want someone who will be your default plus one through all the party invites, the one who roots for you when you achieve something great, and the one you think of whenever you have news. Maybe it sounds codependent, but it’s what you secretly crave.
Most people would probably assume that you secretly crave a relationship where you get babied. After all, the youngest kid is often the one who gets the most attention from the parents. But deep down, you want the exact opposite. The idea of your partner treating you like a kid sounds gross to you, if anything. Instead, you want to turn the focus onto your partner, to make them feel special and wanted. And, if they’re your perfect partner, that dynamic will come easily to you.
As the middle kid, you crave a romantic relationship where you don’t have to ask for what you want–but it’s also okay when you do. You spent so much of your childhood ignored, and your parents trusted that you could take care of yourself. In adulthood, this manifests as wanting your partner to have the same kind of skills. They can take care of themselves while you do the same for yourself. And if they can take care of you a little sometimes? It’s a quick way to your heart.
So much of your childhood was spent caring for your siblings, being the “responsible one.” It meant that at least some of your childhood was taken away because you had to grow up a little fast. Because of that, you’re interested in being with a partner who can be your new family. Even if it’s just you two and a couple dogs, that feels like the right kind of nuclear family for you. You just have each other and you no longer have to share space with anyone if you don’t want to. But you’d never tell your parents that–it’d break their hearts.
Because you were so often compared with your sibling–especially if you’re identical–you crave a romantic relationship that makes you feel like the only person in the world. Others might find that kind of energy cloying, but not you. You want someone who finds everything about you exciting, especially the parts that set you apart from your twin.