12 Concrete Signs Your Ex Will Never Come Back
To quote Taylor Swift, how do you truly know when you are never, ever, ever getting back together? I get so many ex-back questions so we’re going to go over the signs today that your ex is truly not coming back so you can be free to fully move on.
A very important life skill to have is knowing when to gracefully let something go when it’s no longer meant for you. And this is obviously a very difficult thing to do when it comes to an ex, especially if it’s been an on-and-off situation.
I’ve made the mistake before of ignoring the signs and waiting around, trying to force something to happen when it should have been crystal clear that my ex had zero intention of repairing or continuing the relationship.
I’m going to share the signs that it’s time to move on and also give you an action plan for how to get through it, so keep reading!
1. He Blocks You
If he’s got you blocked on everything and is actively preventing you from contacting him, it’s clear that he has no desire for any form of communication. No smoke signals. No carrier pigeons. He wants to be left alone.
He may even change his number. Look, breakups can make a lot of us go totally unhinged and he could be blocking you because you were too pushy and aggressive about what happened.
In fact, if you’re facing blocked communication now, you don’t even need the rest of this list. This is the point for you to completely walk away and maybe take some time to try and identify why the relationship ended this way.
2. He Says It’s Over, Forever
I had an ex say this to me and oof, it was brutal. But I needed to hear it because it galvanized me to truly start moving on. I’ll admit, it was an absolutely soul-crushing thing to hear, but I needed to hear it because I was holding onto false hope that one day he would see the light and we’d be together.
Could he potentially change his mind? Could he come to the conclusion that he made a mistake and wants you back? Sure. Things happen once in a blue moon but trying to convince yourself that this is 100% going to occur is only going to set you up for heartbreak.
If he says, “It’s over, it’s never going to happen,” just accept it at face value and walk away. If he had any lingering feelings for you, he wouldn’t slam the door shut like that.
3. He Has No Desire To See You
Maybe you suggest meeting up, having a talk, and getting some form of closure but he just seems so uninterested.
If he doesn’t want to see you, it’s because he’s over it and just wants to move on.
But let’s talk about the “closure talk” for a minute because a lot of women seem to think this is a prerequisite for moving on. We just can’t let this go until we sit down with him, face to face, and get a perfectly detailed explanation for why the relationship ended that is wrapped up in a beautiful bow.
First, there is no explanation that will ever leave you feeling satisfied. Next, he’s the last person who can give it to you because he most likely doesn’t even know why the relationship didn’t work out because oftentimes there is no concrete reason … it’s just a feeling. Also, even if he could explain exactly why he doesn’t want you, would you really want to hear it? Would that really make the pain go away? No, it wouldn’t.
Closure means it’s closed. It’s over. It’s done. The fact that he doesn’t want to be with you is all the closure you need so take it at face value and just move on.
4. You’re A Dealbreaker
This is a pretty major sign that you and your ex are not getting back together. Maybe your political beliefs don’t align (and that didn’t used to be such a big deal but in this current climate, oof, boy is it!).
Maybe you’re not of the same religion and that’s a huge problem for him and/or his family. Maybe one person wants kids and one doesn’t. These are all significant.
I think we’ve all been brainwashed a little bit at some point or another to believe that “love conquers all” and you just need to figure it out, that it will all work out in the end. But the fact is that when you’re falling in love, it’s easy to overlook these things because you ultimately want your love and relationship to succeed no matter what and that’s just not reality.
The only way it works out is if one person fundamentally changes their deeply held belief(s) and that rarely works in the long term. It’s just too much for people who are polar opposites to overcome.
Maybe you both got swept up in the moment and went for it (this can happen when the chemistry is particularly explosive), but eventually you come down from that high and realize that love isn’t always enough.
5. He’s Indifferent Toward You
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.
If your ex hates you, then you still stand a chance because anger is a very strong emotion and there are clearly intense feelings behind it.
On the other hand, if he’s totally indifferent, that’s not a good sign at all. If he doesn’t care that you’re moving on or he’s completely fine with never seeing you again, there’s no hope. His emotions and feelings towards you are basically non-existent.
6. He’s In A Serious Relationship Or Married
Even though it’s not impossible, the chances are extremely low that you are not getting back together with your ex any time in the near future if he’s in a serious relationship or married to someone else.
Nothing is impossible- look at Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, they broke up, moved on and got married and had children, got divorced from their respective spouses, had a a bunch of other serious relationships (and engagements!), and then found their way back to one another. Can these things happen? Sure. But it is a waste of time to invest in that outcome but you never know.
For the sake of your own mental health and wellness, you’ve got to move on if he’s in a serious situation. You cannot set yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak by waiting around and hoping one day he comes back to you.
7. He Moved Far Away
Let’s say you broke up and he happened to move far away. Not just to another town but to another state or country. The chances of anything happening are now almost impossible.
The relationship didn’t work out when you two were in the same place and now you’re separated by hundreds if not thousands of miles. Relationships can be hard enough to maintain without the added stress and logistics of long distance (which I’m never really a fan of, to begin with).
8. He’s Not Jealous At All
This ties into him being indifferent towards you. He doesn’t care if you date anyone new and has no reaction when you post things with guys on social media.
If there was ever a chance of getting back together, there would have to be some leftover feelings there. So, he will have some sort of reaction if he still has any feelings for you.
On the other hand, if he has zero reaction and doesn’t care, it’s a sign that he’s completely moved on and there’s nothing more you can do. And don’t try and post to social media with the goal of trying to make him jealous whether he is or not, that will just make you look and feel pathetic.
9. He Tells You To Move On
If he completely closes the door to anything happening in the future, that means he’s truly done. He doesn’t want to be with you.
If he still has feelings though, he’ll want that door at least a little open whether he steps through it or not. And those can be some of the worst situations because it’s so confusing where you stand and the whole situation-ship seems to drag on and on.
But if he clearly tells you he’s done and that you need to move on, listen to him. He’s not speaking in code. He’s trying to cut things off and go his separate way.
10. It’s Been A Really Long Time Since You Broke Up…
If it’s been a really long time since your breakup and you don’t even run into each other ever, there’s very little chance of something happening.
I mean, things can and do happen- again, look at Jlo and Ben! But you can’t bank on that and it’s just way to risky to gamble your time and your youth on a maybe.
Could something happen in the future? Sure. But we don’t live there. We live in the present so you have to take your current circumstances or what they are.
11. He Ignores You
He doesn’t answer your calls, texts, or other messages. He sees you and tries to avoid conversation. He makes excuses to not be around you.
If you guys have to interact, maybe you have kids together, he just gives you the cold shoulder and tries to keep conversation to the bare minimum. And this is not coming from a place of hate or anger, it’s more indifference like we went over earlier.
If he has no interest in speaking with you, he just has no interest in you.
12. You Just Kind Of Know
You know deep down that it’s over, you might just not want to face it or accept it. A lot of times I get questions and messages in my DMs and email asking for advice but when I give my answer, the person is like, “Yeah, you’re right. I already knew. I just needed to hear it from someone else.”
So, if you already know that the relationship has no chance of survival, you just need to accept it. Go back through the signs and see if they really truly apply to your situation.
Where To Go From Here
If you find that you’re checking off anything on the list, what happens next?
First of all, take inventory of what is it that you want in a partner and a relationship. It’s super important to have a clear understanding of what it is that you want in your romantic life.
Is it him that you want or are you simply attaching a feeling to a person? What is it about him that you still like, that still makes you have feelings for him? What kind of traits does he have that you find yourself attracted to?
If you say you want him because you want to feel loved, he made you feel loved, and you think the only way to feel loved is through being with him, you need to separate the feeling from the person.
So use this as a data point about yourself. I’m someone who wants to feel true love. And then ask yourself how you can increase feelings of love and connection in your life today. Maybe you spend time with friends and loved ones. Maybe you spend time with yourself, because you love is also something you can give yourself!
When women are asked why they want a guy back, a lot of times they talk about the way he made them feel instead of his traits or who he was as a person.
He’s not the only person who can make you feel loved/cherished/seen/connected. I know it might feel that way, like you had this totally unique connection you’ll never have with anyone else ever again but it’s not. You’re going to find something even better because it actually works and will last.
This guy is out there for you but you’re not going to find him if you’re still stuck on your ex and hanging around in the hope he’ll magically change his mind.
First, you have to accept in your mind, body, and soul that the relationship is over and you’re moving on. Next, you determine what kinds of traits you’re looking for in a guy and what you’re attracted to, what you want in a relationship.