These Are The 5 Types Of Apology Languages

We all have a love language, the way in which we express and want to receive love. But did you know we each have an apology language too?

According to Gary Chapman, Ph.D., and author, there are 5 types of apology language: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely repenting, and requesting forgiveness. It’s possible to have multiple apology languages, depending on the situation.

Let’s talk about them:

Expressing regret.

Do you want someone to acknowledge the hurt they caused and genuinely express that they regret their actions? Do you want to feel validated in your emotions?

Then this might be your apology language. This involves saying “I’m sorry” explicitly. Some people let their pride take control and they have a hard time saying the words “I’m sorry.” This language is about taking responsibility for one’s actions and acknowledging the hurt caused.

Accepting responsibility.

This language is when someone earnestly admits they were wrong to do what they did. Apologizing is more than just saying “I’m sorry” but “I was wrong.” They don’t make excuses. If you want someone to recognize and take ownership of the hurt they caused, this might be your apology language.

Making restitution.

Restitution is about making amends. It’s about correcting the situation and making it up to someone.

Let’s say someone borrows your favorite pair of white pants and ends up spilling red wine all over it. Instead of just apologizing and feeling guilty, they would replace the pair of pants or offer to pay for that inconvenience.

Or, let’s say someone is betrayed and trust was broken. The person can do some kind of action to make it up to their partner as a means of forgiveness and rectification. It’s not just an apology, but a means of proving how sorry they are and how they want to make it right. “Put your money where your mouth is.”

Genuinely repenting.

Actions speak louder than words. Apologizing is about a sincere commitment to changing one’s behavior. This language is about a genuine desire to learn from mistakes and make an active effort to avoid repeating them. Sometimes words aren’t enough — you need actions to follow to prove that they are growing and working towards change. You need that reassurance.

Requesting forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. Some people might ask for forgiveness as a means of wanting to be relieved from their own guilt. Other people ask for forgiveness as a means of wanting to make the situation right because they feel so bad about hurting the other person.

This apology language is about recognizing that forgiveness is a choice. It’s about saying “I’m so sorry for letting you down. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” It gives the hurt party the power to refuse or accept an apology and leaves room for the person to repent.