Growing Up Isn’t As Scary As I Thought It Would Be

My first semester at college just finished, and as I begin this new semester, I realized that growing up isn’t so scary. 

I’ve been living away from home since August now. I always knew I was ready for that next step in my life. Being away from my parents and sisters wasn’t hard or heartbreaking like my other friends said it would be. I barely felt the need to call, which is something my parents did not like in the slightest. I’m sure one day I’ll understand how they feel when I become a parent myself. But for right now, I’m just 18. 

Growing up isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Maybe because the aspects of growing up I’ve faced yet haven’t been as scary as I thought they would be. 

College isn’t as hard as high school said it would be. Maybe it’s because I’m not a STEM major. My homework consists of reading books based off ancient Greek myths and translating Latin to English. My ancient Greek final was so simple, I passed it with a 100. Maybe it’s fairly easy because I’m not sobbing over my classes every week. Maybe because I chose something for myself, something I knew I’d love. Maybe because I’m just a first year. 

The dorms aren’t as horrifying as the media said they would be. Our suite bathroom is clean, though I’d never trust it enough to step into the shower with my bare feet. My roommate isn’t crazy and lets me play my music whenever I want, as long as I save her some portion of whatever dinner I make. We’ve decorated our living room with pictures of Paul Rudd and a wall of pictures of all the boys we have kissed. Maybe living away from home is so easy because I’ve made a home out of the farthest resident hall on campus. 

Meeting new people isn’t as intimidating as my anxiety feared it would be. I left my door open in case my suitemates wanted to come in. I went to the beach when invited, took long walks to the library in groups, ran to Target at night to get snacks for impromptu movie nights. We got dinner at the dining halls and as the semester went on, people came and people went. We found a group that worked and we stayed up every night. On holiday breaks we FaceTimed and called to assure each other, yes, we’re still friends. Maybe it wasn’t as intimidating because I found people just like me. 

So growing up isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. 

It just feels natural. 

Sure, there are things that scare me. I still don’t know how to pay my taxes. I don’t know anything about bills or paying rent. I get that one day I’m going to meet someone I think is the one and they’ll break my heart instead. One day I might hate my boss or accidentally get stuck in a job I don’t like but need for the time being. My classes will get harder, my education will get more expensive. The people I love right now could become strangers as the years go on. And one day I might understand what my parents mean when they say they miss having me at home when I watch my own daughter leave the house. 

But for right now, I’m just 18. And growing up is the most natural thing to do next. I might have just been ready to grow up, like when you take a potted plant and reroot it in an open field. I grew wildly, I grew beautifully. 

I grew up. 

It’s not so scary.