The 4 Moodiest Zodiacs

VIRGO

Virgo, you’re “someone just cut me in line at The Container Store so now I’m gonna cut them” moody. When you have been wronged by the world, everyone who crosses your path for the rest of that day had better beware. You are short fuse, zero patience, can’t-believe-you-really-just-asked-me-that-question, eye-roll moody. The kind that exudes superiority, but the fact checkers are on board with your snark moody. The “McDonald’s better fix their ice cream machine because you are not walking out of here without a milkshake that will not turn your mood around but will take your finger off the nuclear trigger” kind of moody. And that is perfectly fine. You will never find yourself treated like a doormat by anyone because you couldn’t voice your frustration. People will never wonder where they stand with you, and god forbid it’s on your shit list.

TAURUS

Taurus, you’re “bad customer service experience leads to the most epic Yelp or Better Business Bureau complaint ever written in the history of the internet” moody. If someone ruins your day or your experience, you are sure as hell going to ruin their reputation or their job security. When someone is standing in the way of you and what you want, your go-to move is to burn it all down. You are “scorched-earth, no-I-don’t-want-store-credit, not-a-Karen-but-still-want-to-talk-to-the-manager” moody. You’re not trying to make anyone’s life harder than it has to be, but you do want to speak up and protect others from whatever shady, unprofessional, or other extremely unpleasant scenarios you encounter. You are a bullhorn to the masses aiming to protect your fellow consumer kind of moody.

GEMINI

Gemini, you’re “adult talking in a baby voice wrapped in a blanket sprinkled with crumbs from a bag of Sun Chips” moody. Slightly whiny, but also just begging to be loved. Work is constantly getting to you, and you needed to be fed hours ago, and if someone doesn’t give you a hug and some fast food in the next thirty minutes you’re going to lose it, transforming from sweet-but-needy into full-blow Veruca Salt “I want it now” child-like tyrant. You cannot help it, you’ve simply hit your limit after filling your emotional bucket past its capacity, that moment when the meniscus breaks and water that was magically holding its shape over the rim pours over. Sure, you get off on letting it get to that point, on living in the danger zone, but still, when you’re down for the count you just need to be loved and humored and obeyed until you’ve stabilized yourself.

SCORPIO

Scorpio, you’re Cave of Magic Wonders “who disturbs my slumber” meets newly resurrected mummy Imhotep yelling “Anck-Su-Namun” moody. In both comparisons your mouth is open way too wide for anyone’s comfort, and you’re scaring people. Your moodiness is some long hidden curse an innocent bystander stumbles upon and brings to life. Whatever it is they trigger inside of you is the catalyst for what seems like an apocalyptic event in a “the next person who touches one of my things or mentions my ex is going to have their organs ripped out” kind of way. You’ve got baggage, Scorpio, you have history, and it’s best left undisturbed for a reason. Typically, only your besties know of its existence and pledge their lives to hiding your wrath from the world, not unlike the Medjai.