It’s been a few months since you last heard from him, despite the fact you reached out. You’ve been ghosted.
You took the space to process. You cried. You grieved the chance that never got to be. And the day you were finally ready to move on officially in the ceremonious act of deleting his number, your phone buzzes with a message from him that reads, “Hey stranger.”
Your stomach drops. You then screenshot the text and send it along to all your friends asking, “What the hell do I do? Do I even respond? What do I say if I do?”
Part of you is excited, another part of you is hesitant, and another part of you is honestly pissed. It is a confusing array of emotions, to say the least.
The part of you that is excited to hear from him wants to give him another shot because you really liked him. You felt that you two had a genuine connection and a shot at becoming something serious.
But the hesitant part of you is telling you that he will ghost again and it’s not worth opening your heart back up.
The pissed part of you is enraged that he came back like he did not just leave you in the dark for three months without any explanation. You feel disrespected that he thinks you would wait around and willingly welcome him back without addressing his shitty actions.
Listen to the pissed and hesitant parts of you. Because when he ghosts but then comes back as if nothing happened, here is all you need to know: He doesn’t want you back. He wants to see if he still has power over you.
The reason he wants to see if he still has a hold on you could be because he is lonely. Or he might just be bored. Or he could be seeking a confidence boost in the form of a quick hookup or by breaking your heart again.
But honestly, the reason for his text doesn’t matter. It really, really doesn’t. Because, if anything, any reasoning for his bad behavior is nothing but an excuse. And it doesn’t change the fact that he left you hanging. That he didn’t respect you enough to even utter so much as a goodbye or explain where his head was at when it came to you and him.
Because if he did tell you the full truth, that he wasn’t in it for the long run, there is no way you would wait around. But by giving you no answers at all, he thinks he can keep you in his back pocket. Because he never really ended it, right? It’s avoidance at best, and manipulation at worst.
Don’t fall for it.
People will always show you how they feel about you. You need to pay attention and take the way someone treats you at face value. And when you strip away the excuses, you will realize he wasn’t that into you. Because someone who truly likes you won’t leave you feeling confused. They also won’t walk away and risk you meeting someone else. They won’t disrespect you by leaving you on read for months on end and then pop back in your life like you’re too oblivious to notice their intentional absence (no one is that busy).
Remember that inconsistency is unattractive. Remember that a failure to communicate is a total turn-off. Remember someone who doesn’t want you is not someone you want either.
Now, is there a chance he could stay this time? Is there a chance your guy is different? Sure. There’s always a possibility. But don’t you want someone who never left in the first place? Don’t you want someone who saw your worth all along? I would hope so.
So when he ghosts you and then comes back as if nothing happened, respect the dead and leave him on read. Delete the text. And delete his number like you were going to. You don’t need it anymore. After all, he is the one who made you a stranger in the first place.